Dont know

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by Nightfall, Sep 5, 2007.

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  1. Nightfall

    Nightfall Member

    I am so full of doubts. I don´t know what to believe.
    Sometimes its all so clear, I feel it. I hear the words like
    echoes in my mind. It´s so near. He is so near.
    But then it´s sometimes so blurry and I think its all not real. It never happened.
    Its exhausting all these doubts. All these yes, I- know- its -true- phases changing
    by nothing- of -it- ever- happend -phases.
    Sometimes i think I am losing my mind.
    I was in a clinic. A clinic just for women with ptsd background.
    But my therapist was a joke. She did not ask what exactly happend.
    And I couldn´t tell. I discribed it an even an idiot would have unterstood
    that I was abused as a child. But because I told her, that I also have blurry
    memories and flashbacks, she said, well then it´s not sure, if there really was
    a sexual abuse.
    I mean, I told her a few times, that I have bloody clear flashbacks, I do not doubt.
    I know its real. But there are other flashbacks too, its different. I dont knwo where to put it.
    But she wouldn´t hear a word about it.
    I am so angry. She didn´t know a thing about me. Nothing about my background.
    I tried to ignore the nightmares. The flaschkacks. I tried to do as if it vener happend.
    But it didn´t work. I don´t know what to believe.
     
  2. allofme

    allofme Staff Alumni

    hi there
    i believe you... that therapist was not worth the time it took you to go see her.. it does suck that when we finally go for help or support we get neither... what you discribe are the nature of flashbacks.. memories... when we go through traum we dont always file it in our memory as clear as the day we got our puppy or met out best friend.. even happy memories can be unclear... if that ever happens again .. just tell her i dont remember being born but i am pretty sure it happened........
     
  3. scared_child

    scared_child Account Closed

    heya, i have flashback problems too, and i know what you mean by the memories blurring together, and just blurring, so that you dont know whats going on. I hope this forum can help you. its helped me alot. because the people here are real, and they have problems too. so, they can help you better than any therapist ever could.
     
  4. Nightfall

    Nightfall Member

    thanks. your answers mean a lot to me.
    I have a new therapist now and she thinks its good if I go to a hospital again. She says I need a specific trauma treatment.
    Its so hard to talk about it. and its even more harder, because so many people did not believe me.
     
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