I am so full of doubts. I don´t know what to believe. Sometimes its all so clear, I feel it. I hear the words like echoes in my mind. It´s so near. He is so near. But then it´s sometimes so blurry and I think its all not real. It never happened. Its exhausting all these doubts. All these yes, I- know- its -true- phases changing by nothing- of -it- ever- happend -phases. Sometimes i think I am losing my mind. I was in a clinic. A clinic just for women with ptsd background. But my therapist was a joke. She did not ask what exactly happend. And I couldn´t tell. I discribed it an even an idiot would have unterstood that I was abused as a child. But because I told her, that I also have blurry memories and flashbacks, she said, well then it´s not sure, if there really was a sexual abuse. I mean, I told her a few times, that I have bloody clear flashbacks, I do not doubt. I know its real. But there are other flashbacks too, its different. I dont knwo where to put it. But she wouldn´t hear a word about it. I am so angry. She didn´t know a thing about me. Nothing about my background. I tried to ignore the nightmares. The flaschkacks. I tried to do as if it vener happend. But it didn´t work. I don´t know what to believe.