don't know...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Blue_Star, Nov 5, 2009.

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  1. Blue_Star

    Blue_Star Member

    i wasn't going to post here & don't know what to say or where to begin... haven't even posted an introduction or much of anything yet and feel guilty posting off right away like this...

    i just feel the darkness engulfing right now, the depression is becoming too much, and there's other issues and things that are overwhelming & i don't know what to do. i try so hard, it doesn't look like i do but i try so hard, even though i know on the outside it must amount to looking like nothing... because nothing helps. i can't get to help in a lot of ways right now, in terms of practicalities a lot of things aren't options. i'm avoiding as much as i can, avoiding the problems as much as i can but it's useless and it doesn't work anymore. self destructive things work but i try so hard not to do those things. and i'm tired. and i'm probably horrible for even complaining or doing this or saying anything. i feel like i should delete this as soon as it's posted....

    and i'm afraid i sound like a whiner without going into any other details, i just don't know where to even start and still feel uncomfortable to say much, i'm not used to the forums... i'm sorry.
     
  2. Tim.

    Tim. SF Emoti-King

    Thanks for sharing that. You're not a bad person or a whiner for doing it. That's why this place exists (I think). So if you want to post more of your story, I'm sure everyone else here will agree that you should go ahead and do it and we'll be interested in reading it.

    So go ahead and let it out.

    I'm sorry I don't know what to say to help though. Just hope that it gets better for you.
     
  3. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    Please keep posting, it will help. What are the things that are overwhelming you the most right now. Have you been to see a doctor?

    :hug:
     
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi Blue Star i was the same way. Nervous of posting at first afraid of everyone everything. The people here are great very supportive let them help you okay.
    No one gets upset or angry we support each other and help each other when we are suffering. Alot of us can relate to your thoughts so please keep posting so we can get to know you and help take care
     
  5. *sparkle*

    *sparkle* Staff Alumni

    hey :welcome: nobody minds you posting - thats what the forum is for! when you feel comfortable do post and talk to us. its a very supportive site - i hope that you find it helpful :)
     
  6. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Blue Star, Post as much as you want.. There is no set amount of space you can use.. Get it off you chest and let the members here help support you and give you some advice..We are here for you!!!
     
  7. Blue_Star

    Blue_Star Member

    Thank you each so much for reading and responding... it just feels like there's so much that i don't know what to post and don't feel comfortable posting and feel like i'm wasting space by doing that, by writing & reaching out but not really saying anything at the same time.

    The thing is i'm not used to reaching out or asking for help anymore. Besides going into the chat a handful of times here, it seems like this is the first time I've even tried to reach out or talk about things in... a very long time. I've let things go & now it feels like I've forgotten how to ask for help, how to reach out, even how to be social. I don't know how to get things back and make things right, if i even have any friends left. I've isolated majorly for... a few different reasons, which don't really matter, all of it just leads up to this. the last time i reached out for help & trusted things got a thousand times worse and i don't know what to do. Of course I know it's not good to isolate when you're already someone who's depressive & etc etc, but I don't know what else to do or how to fix it. The longer it goes on it feels like I matter less & less & disappear. I guess that's one thing I can say or point to, there's many other things but that... i've lost myself there.

    I only go to the bare minimum with appointments, there's no way for me to afford therapy or different/more meds. it seems like any of the helps or alternatives to get around that for pro help are all closed doors. But I've been in therapy for plenty of years before, and i know all of the things they teach and know how i'm supposed to help myself by the books, etc etc, and i already try to do all that and none of it seems to work or help, which just makes me tired & at a loss of what to do anymore...

    There's other things, but those are a couple that I can point at that I just don't know what to do or fix anymore. Thank you again for reading and responding...
     
  8. ODIECOM

    ODIECOM Well-Known Member

    i guess one thing that helps in forums, you dont have to look at anybody while you write your story. when one reads the posts and responses, you can tell what kind of ppl there are here.

    enjoy your stay. writing helps.
     
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