I was ridiculed and bullied most of my school life. In elementary school, the neighborhood kids would pick on me (sometimes each other, but not often), pretty much for anything including such atrocities as "using big words". Kids who I thought were friends would suddenly one time decide to do something to me, like my neighbor who shot at me with a pellet gun with another kid from class. I assumed this was normal. I got funny nicknames. Sometimes laughed at. I'm too passive, I didn't put up a fight.But I could never trust anyone. The first two years of high school for some reason an upperclassman would fuck with me every time he saw me in the hall. It was either using nicknames (said really loudly of course), to shouldering in the hall. I never knew them or why they did it. I never had a reason either. Of course I didn't fight back. One time I didn't move for one who was walking with his friends so when we bumped he slammed me against the wall shouted **** and walked away while everyone in sight laughed. Another time I was walking through the school lobby and someone walking in the other direction (didn't know em) shoved a friend into me and I fell over. They said sorry and walked away laughing. Of course a girl I had a crush on happened to be in the lobby too but that's a whole other story. As a result I decided to not give anyone anything to mock me on. I wouldn't say anything for fear of being teased for what I would say. This may very well be my problem today. I never hurt myself then, but I did think of suicide occasionally, but it wasn't really a problem for me. It's so important not to let them win. It could hurt you so far down the road you don't realize it. That was half a life ago for me. Now hurting myself is all I think about and after ramming my head against door trim once this week and hitting myself in the head as hard as I could my head hurts. I still don't know how I got here.