don't look back in anger... I heard you say...

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Cariad_Bach, Dec 17, 2013.

  1. Cariad_Bach

    Cariad_Bach Staff Alumni

    Isn't it funny how rosy our glasses go when we're looking at a relationship retrospectively?

    How we tell ourselves; I could have dealt with that..; this shouldn't have been so important..; I had more good than bad, I wish I'd seen that at the time..; I should have just let that go and enjoyed what I did have..

    Why do we do this to ourselves?

    I have found that my partner is making me feel like I do deserve happiness. He is making me feel like I can have someone to take care of me the way I want. He makes me truly believe that he wants to take care of me, and he is very loving.

    But what I don't know is whether those good feelings are worth the pain I'm feeling now over the choices he's making. Are my glasses rosy with the knowledge that I'm going to have to run away? Self-preservation. I'm used to feeling undeserving of love, and being sad because nobody loves me.. He has made me feel loved but do I love him? Is the relationship really worth the heartache I feel now? Or is it the self-esteem boost I'm mourning? The relationship idea rather than the person himself...?

    I wish I knew :moody:
  2. Cariad_Bach

    Cariad_Bach Staff Alumni

    And how stupid was I to start believing I deserved someone? A person for me, who would love me and care for me and be mine... I will never deserve that. Because look - here I am, alone and crying again.
  3. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    Sounds like it could have been similar to a phantom pregnancy - while obviously not being one. Had you yearned to love and be loved? If so, you're more likely to have become blind to what he was like while you were with them.

    They also say love is blind - more often than not we accommodate a few extra things about someone we love than we would if we didn't love them.

    :hug: sorry you feel that you will never deserve that - I don't believe that's true. Have a look on the flip side - you've had a taster of what it felt like to be accepted (and feel better about yourself) - why not consider pursuing that again?