There is just no place for me. no place where things meet the minimum criteria for what I need to survive. The world I need. I can't make the rules for human society, and excuse the narcisism but the existing rules are crazy and I can't accept this world. It's all over. No one can be trusted. I can't trust anyone. I can't belong with anyone or anyplace or any anything. There is no comfort, any illusion of it is crushed pretty damn quick, I can tell ya. I don't need a perfect life, I don't need a perfect world. I just need a life where things are up and down normally, where there is entertainment and fun and social activity that is for me. That isn't against me. If I can find a method, if I can find a way to die that I can trust, I will fucking do it. Cause there is no more masquarade, my future is clear to me now, there is no place that can adapt to me and there are no societies where I can belong and where people are the way I am. And I am! This is in my soul, it has always been me. I will never be able to live any kind of life anywhere, I will always be alone and hurt by the things people do and say, I will be sitting behind computer screens my entire life. Always the outcast. Always a victim of this world. And yes, I fucking am a victim. This could all have been different. Where do I belong? Where will I ever belong? I am not going to change. Not for anyone and not for anything. So where will I ever belong? Read my novel of a diary and tell me where I will ever be among peers! Tell me I am not alone! I just want to feel at home, but nowhere is home. You humans are one rough bunch.