don't matter

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Wastingecho, Aug 27, 2013.

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  1. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    mystery meeting showed up on my calendar last week - manager wouldn't tell me what it was about - now I know

    been transferred to another department that won't use half of what I know - level 3 support

    he didn't warn me - knew, but didn't tell me - I don't count as a human being, don't deserve the courtesy or respect

    last time this happened I ended up in the hospital for a few weeks - no more

    left the office - couldn't breathe - couldn't think - too much - tired of trying to pretend I matter

    I'd finish it now but everything I need I left at home - need to get home, grab my things and find quiet place

    new construction near the house - at least someone will find me in the morning
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hope you go to hospital like you did before hun and get help you need hugs
     
  3. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    No - never again!!!
     
  4. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Please don't go through with it. :hug: I know you feel like you don't matter... I know people have caused you to feel that way by doing things like what happened today. You DO matter to some people... and I realize you may not believe that. I don't know the words to help convince you that you, as a person, are worth so much to the people that genuinely do care about you.

    Just hoping you don't go through with it. Always here if you need anything at all.
     
  5. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    there are no words
     
  6. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

  7. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    couldn't find my things - they weren't where i had left them - took time to get everything i needed and now i don't have it

    have some things at work but not sure it will be enough - don't want to end up in the hospital - just dead

    barely holding it together in public - spend all my time walking staring at the pavement because if i look up at the tall buildings they just make me feel smaller than i already am - didn't think that was possible - should have died a long time ago
     
  8. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I'm glad you're still alive, but not glad you're in so much pain. :sad:
     
  9. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    i'm trying to get through the day but i don't feel safe here - hyperventilating, sick to my stomach - just want to run away - have to escape
     
  10. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I know... it's hard to feel safe in a place where you've been hurt or let down so often. Hope you can make it through the day!
     
  11. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hugs to you ok just know we care and we do understand in some way we do and i hope you stay safe hun don' t let the ones that harm you win hun don't
     
  12. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    I've already lost
     
  13. jxdama

    jxdama Staff Member Safety & Support

    you may like the new job better!!
     
  14. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    new job is fixing other people's mistakes - nothing new - no more design - no more innovation - no more research - no more teaching - nothng that mads the job tolerable - taken away from sverything I thought I was good at

    my needs, my wants didn't matter

    they never do

    I don't count
     
  15. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I would seem your job does matter hun they are depending on YOU to fix what is broken in their system I am sorry you feel unwanted h ugs
     
  16. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    You do count, you matter.
     
  17. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    if i mattered people wouldn't complain about what I make for dinner after coming home from work - if i mattered i wouldn't have to fight to see something I would like to watch on tv - if i mattered they wouldn't have had hr transfer me to my new manager 9 DAYS BEFORE TELLING ME
     
  18. Psych77

    Psych77 Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry it sucks so much for you right now. I can't give you any advice that is going to help, but I believe you will have better days. And in the meantime, we all care about you here. And I have found that is a lot.

    You're not alone.
     
  19. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    You're right, those things shouldn't have happened... none of them. I know words can't change or undo what other people have done to you and how they've hurt you. All I can tell you is that, here, to people on this site, you matter and are important. You're not alone in the world; I care and I believe there are others who do too.
     
  20. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    just made final payment for college - got them through school - that was my last goal

    i'm done
     
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