Don't really know what to do - what would you do?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by weirdal, Apr 30, 2013.

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  1. weirdal

    weirdal Forum Buddy

    Hey guys, been a few months since i've posted here hope your all well.

    Having a bit of a dliema that's causing me a significant amount of grief..

    Without going into the heavy details, a girl that i really really liked for a long time, couple of years slept with my best friend the other day.

    Me and this guy have been friends for like 11 years, been on holiday together, spent every weekend together, you know the friends you just have so many memories with.

    This girl went down to the city where my friend is at university with her friends, and all i saw one night on facebook were pictures of them together back at his house. Found out a few weeks later they slept with each other. This broke my heart, as he had always been there for me, and knew how much i loved this girl. I was never with her, and had a really crap couple of years anyway getting messed around by her, so I understand she has every right to do what she wants with who, but I can't seem to shake this off.

    When i saw him a few months after it happened he came up to me when we were out once night, and said that he had heard i was annoyed at him, and that he was sorry he never meant to cause any pain or upset me.

    I'm just struggling to get the image out of my mind though, I feel really upset he would do that, and it's ruined the way I look at him. I've seen him a few times since over xmas and easter when he's been back from uni, but I can't even hold a conversation with him, I find it really awkward and can't look him in the eyes.

    I dunno what to do, I miss him so much, and i'm not really an emotional person with stuff like this, so I have no idea what to do.

    I don't know why it's getting to me so much but the last few weeks i haven't been able to stop thinking about it. I don't care about what happened anymore I just care that i've lost my best friend, and that he hasn't even properly sat down and said sorry, apart from a brief comment in passing.

    Any advice? I know some people will think i'm making a big deal out of nothing, but I feel devestated and really confused about this whole situation.

    Thanks in advance for any tips!

  2. In Limbo

    In Limbo Forum Buddy

    It seems to me the two of you have simply attached different values to the thing in question. If you've said nothing to him since then he won't have changed his viewpoint of that. Obviously you're very close and said that you'd had a couple of years being messed around by the girl, maybe he thought that as you'd been given so much grief about it that you wouldn't mind - especially as you weren't together at the time.

    If it were me I'd strongly consider letting him know how you feel - but importantly - then drawing a very clear line in the sand and moving on.

    You've said yourself that you miss his friendship and value it more than anything else in this scenario so you need to make that clear so you don't rub him the wrong way and cause resentment. Also consider just being honest and say you don't know why it bothers you - it just does (at least that's as I understand it). Creating a false reason just creates more problems in trying to justify something that isn't there.

    Just call it what it is - something you don't really understand but something you need to get off your chest.

    Just my two cents - disregard at your leisure ;)
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