Don't really know what to do.

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Gaemshenn, Jan 19, 2015.

  1. Gaemshenn

    Gaemshenn Member

    I don't know where to start, so I'll start from the beginning and try to keep it short. About 5 years ago I meet the most amazing girl in my life, she has two kids, they mean everything to me, I love her so much, but there's just one problem, she doesn't feel the same way. We've been friends for a while and began having feelings about 6 months into our friendship. Everyone but her could see it. I kept it a secret for a little while and eventually told her and she wasn't too happy about it. It put a tiny crack in our friendship but all was well, but that crack grew and broke the friendship. She didn't speak to me for about a month, and I got really depressed during that time. I stopped eating and speaking, my work was being affected worst of all because we worked in the same building and saw each other regularly. After that time we were speaking again and patched things up. I tried to convince myself that I'd rather have her in my life as a friend then not have her at all and told myself to quit having feelings for her. It didn't work but I kept my mouth shut. Everything was going fine for a few years after that until we started messing around a little, she hesitant about it at first but didn't say, but I could tell and I knew why. It only happened every so often, not all the time. A quick background on her; she has 1 kid from a relationship before we met, and she had another about a year ago. Two different dads. The 2nd one, she was dating and it just happened. Things between them didn't work but he's there for the kid. I was pretty hurt about it for a while, but accepted it. Okay so fast forward to now. For a year nothing happened between her and the 2nd baby daddy until now. Our friendship has been a little rocky lately partly because I'm a jealous person. So far it just started out with talking more and the talking moved to flirting and she's spending more time with him when taking her son to him to visit. One day when she was hanging out with me she was on the phone with for a long time and I got pissed and told if she's going to be on the phone that long with a boyfriend to go home and do it. Besides my jealousy, I thought it was very of her to be doing that, but my jealousy amplified my anger about it. She got pretty mad and we've talked very little since. My heart is breaking everyday knowing she's starting things back up with her baby's dad. Apart of me wants to make something work with her, but the other part wants to take a break from her to get my life together. But both lead to pain. I lose her either way. To him or to quitting. She's like a drug and I'm hooked. Lately I've been having bad thoughts. I'm sure you can guess what if you're reading this. It seems like the easiest, painless choice, to be just set free of all of this. I don't know what to do. Im just tired of the pain.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    another choice would be to go out and find someone that truly loves you and cares for YOU and you her. The relationship will not work you see that let her be with her childs father and YOU YOU get out and make a new relationship and feel the true feelings of love ok YOU deserve that
  3. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Like Total Eclipse said, you deserve to be loved; but if her feelings aren't the same for you as yours are for her, it's not going to work. I know it hurts, but if you try to let yourself heal, then you'll be able to move on, to get out there and find someone who wants to be with you.
  4. Gaemshenn

    Gaemshenn Member

    Thank you for your kind words. I thought about that too. But I'm scared that I won't be able to get rid of my feelings for her and have that potentially ruin any other relationships that I may get into. I don't wanna hurt some else.
  5. scaryforest

    scaryforest Banned Member

    i think just letting time pass would work best here... occupy self with new hobbies and experiences
  6. Gaemshenn

    Gaemshenn Member

    That's the one thing I'm dreading most, is time. I wasn't kidding when I said she's like a drug to me. Anytime I don't see or hear from her, I start to hurt. I hate and am ashamed of myself that I've allowed myself to get this way. It disgusts me. I just want to feel normal and be normal.
  7. gsp

    gsp Member

    Yeah, that's how it is, I've been through it myself. That's the pain of unrequited love. It's like the pain of withdrawal. The only way to speed up the recovery process is to surround yourself with things and activities that you enjoy that _don't_ remind you of her in any way. If you can get through this, you'll be a stronger person because of it.