Dont really know what to do

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by junior5032, Oct 18, 2011.

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  1. junior5032

    junior5032 New Member

    Hi i'm a 21 year old guy. To be honest I feel stupid sometimes for even having these thoughts sometime but suicide is an idea that has been growing in my head since i was like 16.

    I dont know who i am, my whole life I have felt ive gone and lived my life through copying and conforming to what the social norm was. Even with the people I consider now my closest friends. It may all stem from the feeling of being wanted, i dont know.

    Im a first born son in a poor hispanic family, to those who know, thats a responsibility in it of its self. My mother has worked hard all her life and like to make sure we know that and my father who works just as hard, My little sister is a narcissistic little ice queen who has only shown any real emotions towards the people she calls her friends.

    Thats just a little back ground.

    Lately ive felt depressed I have no energy and I dont care about anyone maybe because they dont show like they care about me as selfish as that sounds. And it doesnt help that my parents see my "laziness" and use that as an excuse to tell me that ive done nothing with my life, how all the people around me are so much better, how we have no money, how i should get off the computer and find a im worthless how i dont have the fucking balls to go do something. The thing that makes me contemplate suicide is because I agree with everything they say even if I make it seem like i dont hear what they are saying. I feel worthless I feel pathetic I feel like everything and everyone is better than me. I dont have a job I dont have a car a phone I never see my friends. My life lately has been how my sister refers to me as "unpleasant". I know death is a "permanent solution to a temporary problem" I know this, ive done so much research on suicide. I just want to know whats the first step to feeling better before the idea of suicide becomes starts becoming more reliable than it already is than anything else.
    Thank you for those who have read this
  2. Isabel

    Isabel Staff Alumni

    I think the very first step is to realize how much our interpretation of what is going out outside ourselves is affected by what we do believe. Often life presents opportunities for things to get better that we fail to see because we are frozen in a pattern of negative thoughts. Of course many things are beyond our control, but we dont even try to act on those we can control. I would strongly suggest reading "Feeling Good" by Robert Burns. Its a good first step in assessing where you are at and how you can begin to change what is going on inside you and have a more "realistic" perception of what is going on around you. Not that I am not sure there are plenty of negative stuff for which you have valid feelings, but so that you can gain new coping skills to face them.
  3. Joshua2803

    Joshua2803 Well-Known Member

    Your situation sounds like the blues. A temporary thing. You have to change gears mentally. Sometimes we just need a jump start. Here are three articles that can help you to understand what your going through and possible bring some balance to your emotions right now. Article 1
    article 2 article 3
  4. Joshua2803

    Joshua2803 Well-Known Member

  5. Hey junior5032,

    What you are going through is beyond common in this day and age. Being without a job amongst young people is common these days. The good news is the economic fluctuates all the time, and new jobs will come eventually. Eventually you will find a job if you keep looking.

    That's the key. Keep searching and you'll fine one. It may take a few weeks, months, or even a year or so. But you will. Once you give up and stop searching, you won't find one.

    I got a job in May of this year after being unemployed all of 2010. I felt exactly like you did. I'm going to be honest, I stopped looking earlier this year (Jan - April 2011) because I became so depressed and hopeless. Then I decided to apply again, got a call and got the job a month later. So, never get in your head that you have to give up or feel hopeless.

    There is always a way out. I promise that and suicide is not the answer. You are 21 years old - your whole life is ahead of you. Nothing ever stays the same. No matter where you are. Don`t believe those harsh words that are being projected towards you. You are NOT worthless! Just the fact that you are yearning for more and better things is a sign that you are a person that is desiring and has so much potential.

    Don`t give up and keep your head up. Keep searching for jobs, ignore what people say (no matter how much it hurts and you believe it) and know that this rough spot in your life shall pass. It will.
  6. SuicidalAgain

    SuicidalAgain Well-Known Member

    I can relate to what you're saying. I'm studying, but I haven't been going to classes lately (because I don't have to, because we're not evaluated for our attendance and we can study through the materials the teachers make available to us), but nobody seems to understand that. It would be easier if the university wasn't so far from my home. I have to get two buses to get there and lately I've been getting a hard time from a few people because of that.

    Whatever. I don't think that you are worthless. Like the person above said, just the fact that you're reaching out for help is proof that you're a person with lots of potential, with the desire to change those feelings...
    Maybe you should focus on that at the moment, maybe seek help from someone close as they can help you more than strangers in the internet. I've found that my mother, that I thought hated me, was really concerned about me when I attempted suicide. Not only her but many other people. As I also found some people didn't give a damn and people who pretended to give a damn, but those have no value in my experience, what counts is that I've found that I have many good people in my life and I am sure that you will find the same things if you reach out.
    Maybe the people around you will understand you better and once you're in a better place you can start moving forward with your life :)

    Keep us posted!
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