Hi i'm a 21 year old guy. To be honest I feel stupid sometimes for even having these thoughts sometime but suicide is an idea that has been growing in my head since i was like 16.
I dont know who i am, my whole life I have felt ive gone and lived my life through copying and conforming to what the social norm was. Even with the people I consider now my closest friends. It may all stem from the feeling of being wanted, i dont know.
Im a first born son in a poor hispanic family, to those who know, thats a responsibility in it of its self. My mother has worked hard all her life and like to make sure we know that and my father who works just as hard, My little sister is a narcissistic little ice queen who has only shown any real emotions towards the people she calls her friends.
Thats just a little back ground.
Lately ive felt depressed I have no energy and I dont care about anyone maybe because they dont show like they care about me as selfish as that sounds. And it doesnt help that my parents see my "laziness" and use that as an excuse to tell me that ive done nothing with my life, how all the people around me are so much better, how we have no money, how i should get off the computer and find a job......how im worthless how i dont have the fucking balls to go do something. The thing that makes me contemplate suicide is because I agree with everything they say even if I make it seem like i dont hear what they are saying. I feel worthless I feel pathetic I feel like everything and everyone is better than me. I dont have a job I dont have a car a phone I never see my friends. My life lately has been how my sister refers to me as "unpleasant". I know death is a "permanent solution to a temporary problem" I know this, ive done so much research on suicide. I just want to know whats the first step to feeling better before the idea of suicide becomes starts becoming more reliable than it already is than anything else.
Thank you for those who have read this
I dont know who i am, my whole life I have felt ive gone and lived my life through copying and conforming to what the social norm was. Even with the people I consider now my closest friends. It may all stem from the feeling of being wanted, i dont know.
Im a first born son in a poor hispanic family, to those who know, thats a responsibility in it of its self. My mother has worked hard all her life and like to make sure we know that and my father who works just as hard, My little sister is a narcissistic little ice queen who has only shown any real emotions towards the people she calls her friends.
Thats just a little back ground.
Lately ive felt depressed I have no energy and I dont care about anyone maybe because they dont show like they care about me as selfish as that sounds. And it doesnt help that my parents see my "laziness" and use that as an excuse to tell me that ive done nothing with my life, how all the people around me are so much better, how we have no money, how i should get off the computer and find a job......how im worthless how i dont have the fucking balls to go do something. The thing that makes me contemplate suicide is because I agree with everything they say even if I make it seem like i dont hear what they are saying. I feel worthless I feel pathetic I feel like everything and everyone is better than me. I dont have a job I dont have a car a phone I never see my friends. My life lately has been how my sister refers to me as "unpleasant". I know death is a "permanent solution to a temporary problem" I know this, ive done so much research on suicide. I just want to know whats the first step to feeling better before the idea of suicide becomes starts becoming more reliable than it already is than anything else.
Thank you for those who have read this