I sometimes sit and wonder to myself what I can do to take this feeling to end things away. I wonder if it's actually what I want to do or part of my brain telling me I want to do it. I am very confused. I know that my future would be bland and uninteresting so if I was to do something to end things then my future would be blank and then I would be at peace. I walk around and things pop into my head on how to do it but something always stops me but I feel I am getting closer and closer and I won't be able to go back.