Hey everyone. First off, I'm now realizing how bad my screename is. "Depressed in SF" was supposed to mean "San Francisco" however its also the name of this forum itself so...fail. Anyway, here's the deal about me: - 37 years old - white male - married 11 years - 0 kids - good job, make good $ - depression/anxiety most of my life - cocaine abuse for the last 2-3 years My problem is that I know what is good for me (exercising, being productive, having regular therapy sessions, etc) and what is bad for me (drugs, skipping therapy, not working out, etc)....yet I continue to make bad decisions on a consistent basis. On paper, I've got a very "idyllic" life...married, good job, cool city, etc. However, I've found myself spiraling deeper and deeper into anxiety and depression. I'm fully aware that the cocaine is amplifying this and yet I continue to use. Anyway, I've never made any suicide attempts nor do I currently have an action plan...but I think about it, every single day. Its a BIG part of the reason my wife and I haven't had kids yet. I just can't bring myself to have children (which represent the future, one in which I'm alive for a long time) when I believe that, eventually, I'll probably end it. So, that's me. Thank you for listening.