don't tell, or do?

[TLA]

I saw a crime show on t.v. when a lady killed her 2 husbands. I tried the same method (somehow, not exactly) and it was gross. Long story short, a care worker said I was "in sick shape" she took me to PES and they transported me to hospital for a week.
Why can't I keep my BIG mouth shut?!
I wish someone would kill me. I walk at night hoping!
The staff at hospital would ask me if I wanted to kill myself, I replied no, but in truth my soul cries out "YESYESYES". I would sit in the hospital and think of 5 new methods to use. Then, get scared to do it! I asked one woman, why does everyone really care if I live or die, (no one in my family or friends, ex husband, no son anymore...NO ONE talks to me)...she said when some one is (for lack of a better term) "not in their right mind" people have to take precautionary steps to keep them safe. One week does not make meds change or feeling subside.
The treatment team there REALLY wants me (STRESSEd to me) to stay out of the hospital and make a life for me. Easy for you to say.
That is hard for me when you feel hopeless and with little options. I can fight off the urges; but WHY?!

How do you start to re-start your life when you feel everyone abandoned you? There are some days I don't even want to work (look for job) or do anything anymore. Or what do you do If you cannot accept that you think your life is fucked? Thoughts?
Thanks,

TLA

 

[KMS]

i hear you. i feel the same way. hopeless, lost, apathetic

 

[silverflash]

I'm with you on that one. I wish that I had the answers for you, but unfortunately I don't. I feel the same is the only consolation that I can give you.

 

[TLA]

good to know we don't suffer alone.
If I find the answers I will post them.

 

[Manically Depressed]

Yeah thats a difficult one. A lot of people (including myself) feel that way about their life. That they feel they have lost everything and everyone and just dont feel the need to live their life anymore because they think their life has become meaningless. Like the others said,Im not sure there are any answers I can give you on this. Except just know you're not the only one having these types of feelings. I know I do.

 

[Tigerstripe]

Well i Used to feel that way but after a near death experiance i asked the Nurse *I ended up in Hospital btw* if the hospital had a counciller or something and i met this guy who turned out to be a Counciller and just to get it off my chest helped me so much. I can empathise with how you feel but i hope that someday you will overcome these feelings of dispair