I'm hurt and angry and I don't know how to resolve this. Imaginary conversation (monologues) help vent the pressure but nothing changes. I believe that I am nothing more than a project. I think I was offered friendship by someone as a ploy to get their desired result and I think they avoid all possible social situations because they didn't mean it when they called me friend. They've never initiated a social interaction with me. Every attempt on my part to reach out, to invite, to include has been rejected. Certainly there have been viable excuses but I see those they've known forever manage to have interactions, time to make it happen was investigated, and they were able to overcome their supposed time issues AND seeming technology limitations with them. With me there wasn't enough notice, or plenty of notice and the invitation is something they would "like to BUT..." and frankly I just don't buy it. I figure one on one time won't work cause I'm a loser to avoid but group things I'm involved in result the same way and yet if I'm not part of it, things seem to miraculously fall into place. What kind of friendship is that? I'm done trying. Quit being fake with me. There is no need to pretend they care. Honest rejection would be kinder. That would be far less hurtful than forever, repeatedly rejecting me. Be warm, be fed and be at peace with yourself. I give up and I don't care what you think any more. I don't believe you listen any way. I think you have a script and you wait to deliver it rather than hearing what is said and honestly responding to that. And I'm done walking on egg shells when I feel bad and am trying to communicate honestly. Get over it! There are days when I want to die. I shouldn't have to ignore that or keep it to myself to make you feel better. The desire to act is stronger when I do that. THIS part of me is not about you! You told me I had to deal with emotions - well this is part of it so stop trying to make me face feelings and then telling me my feelings are wrong, not helpful, not to be given power. Make up your mind - may I ignore them all or must I feel them??? You can't have it both ways and I'm struggling enough without your hurtful, annoying, infuriating mixed messages. I see when people are listening and interested and when they've checked out. Just admit you don't really care and be done with it.