I need help. Please, someone. I am begging for help. I have nowhere else to go. I have no friends. I've been in emergency and the cops have been here. I've done what I was supposed to do to "save my life" , but it can't work forever. I've been severley depressed ever since I was a young child. Now I'm 22 years old, almost 23. And facing the hardest thing I ever have dealt with - watching my mom die. I've been suicidal for years. This past year has been increasingly worse. Everything has fallen apart from a horrible ex boyfriend, my mom being diagnosed with cancer, SH, health issues and family problems. I am not wanted. The only person that wants me alive is my mom. I have a boyfriend now who does nothing for me, but makes me believe I'm better off with him. (And yes I know, I realize this and am still too stupid to leave), he makes me hang out with people everyday who don't care about me, but he says are my "friends", my moms entire family believe I am a true failure, I just can't do anything right. I don't work, haven't finished high school. I mess up everything. I hate being sick all the time. The only reason I'm asking for help is because I don't know what to do! I found out 3 days ago, the cancer my mom has been fighting for 4 years is finally taking over. Their stopping treatment. Its gotten too far and her body can't handle it anymore. I don't even have anybody to talk to. Not one person. I beg my boyfriend all the time to let me talk to him but he just doesn't care. I feel scared. My body hasn't stopped shaking, I can't stop crying, my heart feels like its trying to jump out of my body and I can't make it stop. I told my boyfriend I'm scared I'm going to have a heart attack if this doesn't stop, and he just told me not to worry about that I can't have a heart attack. I need to be there for my mom, this is really it. This is the last time I have with her, and I can't. I can't stop freaking out. I can't control myself. I can't be there to comfort her and say it'll be okay. But this is it. I want to end it all. I know at least now, it might be hard, but I won't see her suffer. If any "myths" are true, we can be together after. I can't live with myself knowing I spent 22 years not telling her I loved her. And starting now seems so...I dont know. Odd. Like we all know its just the end so we want to do what we can, but I can't do it. I can't deal with all of this. And what happens if I end up making it through all this to later deal with the fact of things I never did ... - say I love you, cook, clean, do everything for her. I don't want to deal with this emotion anymore. Please somebody what do I do? Please help me , please. I'm sorry if this doesn't make sense or bad typos, I can barely see the screen I'm crying so hard.