Don't think I've ever posted in this section before, lolz.

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Spikey, Oct 27, 2008.

  1. Spikey

    Spikey Senior Member

    First time for everything, eh!
    Well anyway, yeah. Basically, I've just got together with this lovely guy, we've been friends for a while, (who's probably going to check up on me and be reading this... hi honey..!) and it's really great. Except for my stupid paranoid, insecure mind. Don't know why I'm being like this, because everything's great. Just feel like he deserves better than a fucked up idiot like myself, I guess, and I'm just.. yeah, being my usual self I guess. Anyone got any ideas on how to STOP being so fucking insecure before I fuck up yet another relationship...?
     
  2. Cat2007

    Cat2007 Member

    Well two things: 1. are you sure the problem is that you are insecure? Because I often have the same problem but only with *certain* men. That's what clued me into that maybe it wasn't me, or at least, not JUST me, because there actually were some guys who I didn't feel insecure with, because they didn't do the sorts of things that made me feel insecure, like checking out other girls in front of me, flirting excessively, collecting porn like no tomorrow, etc. It's not to say that the guy you are with is a bad guy, but quite possibly he's just not a match for your personality type, and perhaps you need to find someone who is more in sync with how you like to be in a committed relationship (yes I need to take my own advice lol). And 2., we can all use a boost in the self-esteem department which helps with being insecure. I'm sorry that I don't have a lot to offer there because I'm still learning how to do that myself. But when I was in therapy, my therapist always told me to make more (girl) friends, go out more, engage in my hobbies, take classes, find photos of famous women who I thought I look like to assure myself I am not unattractive (yeah that's a weird one but it kind of helped), and to tell myself every morning that I am a wonderful person :)

    I hope you can find some kind of peace and don't beat yourself up so much. I am sure you are a lovely person and that's why your guy is with you in the first place, and a relationship takes two, so maybe asking him to meet you halfway on issues that bother you isn't a bad idea. hugs!