don't trust outward appearances

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by amicrazy, Aug 31, 2008.

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  1. amicrazy

    amicrazy Well-Known Member

    i've gotten my outward appearance together. i cleaned up, put on a smile. once again i'm getting comments about how i'm a happy person. i can put on a good act. but i keep thinking about it. i've been thinking about it more and more, in a more serious way. i'm still in control, not in any immediate danger. but sometimes i worry myself. . sometimes i really hate myself. now you can't see it, but i'm still hurting myself.
     
  2. bhawk

    bhawk Well-Known Member

    i have a similar problem, i cant let go of the smiley face, so when i do approach doctors they told me i was fine for years, i tend to play things down a lot.
    tis the british way, you know the stiff upper lip. was brought up like that now it hinders my progress.
    try to break the mask in front of someone you can trust....does that make sense?
     
  3. amicrazy

    amicrazy Well-Known Member

    i tried last year to open up. it didn't work, no one wants to hear it. so i put the smile back on. it's always weird when people say to me, "you seem like such a happy person." i just smile and say, yea i am. but how happy can i be if every day suicide crosses my mind. a lot.
     
  4. bhawk

    bhawk Well-Known Member

    ive gone through countless therapists, only ever found one i liked but he moved within days of me getting him. im still to drop the mask totally, sort of had a wee breakdown in front of my ex....problem is i let a bit too much out and ended up in my local trying to stab some people from my past! so from that i can give the advice to let it out in iddy lil bits. but finding someone you can trust is essential, well for me anyway, some people prefer strangers on the end of a phone....depends on what you feel best with.
     
  5. downunder

    downunder Well-Known Member

    I am similar too always look so happy, I even have the psychiatrist having tears roll down her face in laughter, I am described as "bubbly".
     
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