Don't understand.

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by mistressmazie, Apr 21, 2010.

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  1. mistressmazie

    mistressmazie Member

    Hi, I am worried about posting here as I am unsure of the implications it will have for me. I'm worried that someone I know will read this.

    I don't know what is wrong and there is no where I can go for help as I will lose my job if I go to my doctor as I'd have to declare it at Occupational Health.

    I feel like I may have something, but I don't know what. I get desperately depressed and suicidal and then have the most evil mood swings where I go into a rage and go on and on at my family saying the most horrible things. I regret it afterwards but then next time its like I've forgotten my humility and go over it again. It is over the smallest things too.

    I am getting desperate and don't know what to do. I guess I am here to talk with people who feel the same. Maybe that will help.

    Thank you for having this forum for me to go to and hello everyone.

  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi welcome you getting help from your doctor is no one business but yours
    Your doctor has to by law keep your information confidential. You need to talk to him and get some medication to help you stay stable. Even if occupation health found out they cannot discriminate because of your health that also is against the law Your work place would want you healthy not ill so please call your doctor and get some help for yourself okay don't worry about anything it all has to be kept confidential.
  3. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    agree with violet....good advice....
    I hope you find some support here..glad you found this forum...
    glad you reached out for help..:hug:
  4. mistressmazie

    mistressmazie Member

    Thank you for your replies. However the nature of my work would mean that I could not continue. I don't want to say too much in case anyone reads this but I am in a dilemma, if I go to my Dr then I have to declare it at work if I am diagnosed with anything, therefore I do not want to go, the Occupational Health department research to make sure you are truthful in your forms and I daredn't risk it.

    Does anyone have the same feelings as me that I want to seek help for? I don't really understand if it is just me or if I even have a problem worth seeing anyone about (if I could)
  5. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I don't have those same symptoms but I really think you need to see a doctor..
    if it's a mental illness will you get the sack?? that doesn't sound fair...
  6. mistressmazie

    mistressmazie Member

    I work in a hospital. They wouldn't necessarily declare me fit to work. I am on a course related to my work that I must complete to continue my job. They have to declare me of good health at the end to graduate otherwise it'd have been a waste. They have said they don't fund 'wastes' and would discontinue them as a result.

    I don't dare risk it
  7. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Could it be that you are you feeling super stressed about having to doing well on the course?

    Do you have the course PLUS a whole lot of other responsibilities to deal with at home?

    Can anyone at home deal with some of the home-related pressures while you're doing this course?

    Just my 2 cents worth...
  8. mistressmazie

    mistressmazie Member

    I don't know Acy. I've felt like this for many years. Although the rage is new. I don't know what the matter is. Hope it is just stress.
  9. Pebble

    Pebble Well-Known Member

    Hi Lucy welcome to the group :hug: x I kinda know what you mean and how you feel about having to be careful. I'm at uni at the moment doing professional training and if my course leaders etc knew what was going on in my head or how I cope with things then my whole future career would be down the drain. Its hard cause it then adds to how paranoid you are already feeling. If you would like to talk openly without worry and need anything you can always PM me? I know your name is Lucy but that is it so I am no threat honest :smile: Is there anyone around you that you could talk to and confide in? I seem to lash out for the most stupidest reasons over the last few months when my depression has gotten the best of me, try not to be too hard on yourself about it though. We can always try to mend any mistakes x think about violets advice too - is there any professional around you that you could confide in? x
  10. mistressmazie

    mistressmazie Member

    Thank you pebble. I feel I am in the same worry as you. I'm scared to talk to anyone, but my boyfriend knows. I am getting ridiculously paranoid that the course knows what I'm doing online and are tracing my IP address or something. I know its absurd.

    Im scared of telling anyone else as I am too worried about my course. If I have to get through this I need the career at the end, otherwise there is no point in getting through. I'm sure you understand what I mean.

  11. Pebble

    Pebble Well-Known Member

    sorry its taken me a while to reply hun, weekends been abit difficult. I really do understand - last term I decided I either tried to continue and complete the course or I gave up completely not just on uni but life aswell - I tried the later option unfortunately it didnt work successfuly so I'm stuck with the 1st for now. I know it is hard to feel different trust me but there has to be a light at the end of the tunnel - some days will be better, even if its just for a moment that is definatly better than never and we just need to hold onto those slightly more positive moments.
    I still get very paranoid on here too, I only very recently actually told someone my real name as was too afraid before that someone might put the pieces together about me but unless someone was looking and they would have to have a very good reason and knowledge to look here. No one around you will think to look here if they were worried, Its safe I think I'l never be 100% sure but I am more sure now and I've been on here for over a month now. How is your boyfriend with how your feeling - is he being supportive? offer to PM is always there hun xx hope your ok xx
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