Not doing well. May go back to the hospital. I really don't want to, I enjoy my freedom and music... I want to die. But I don't want to hurt anyone. I feel so trapped. I really thought I could be normal but its like bipolar is a curse on me. Take meds forever or suffer. Obviously my meds aren't working. I think I'll go pack my bag before i kill someone/myself. Hospital might not be such a bad choice at this rate. Or I could self harm.... but that's not rational. I hate myself. I hate this sh*t. Up, down, all around.... When does the ride stop??