first time here. i really cant do this any longer. i have always been an antisocial depressed person ive just been able to hide it from my kids or so i think. i have 3 girls ages 6, 8 and 12. a yr ago my hubby of 10 yrs decided he no longer wanted a family, i lost our apt cause i cant get or hold a job due to being so addicted to ultram due to chronic pain for 7 yrs now that i have to take up to 25 a day now not to get sick. followed by on average 14 tylenol pm to sleep at night. i know it will kill me. I have wanted help for the last three yrs but have no insurence. ive been living at my moms for 3 months now. nothing i do is good enough, she tells me what i can and cant do and have to do w my own kids. last night my stepdad took me aside and told me he wanted me out but the girls had to stay cause i am such a loser and a drain on everyone and a drug addicted "pills nothing else" mooch. and that cant i see that the girls would be better off without me as a mom. i have cut for as long as i know ive had 2 surgeries due to severed tendons my kids think all due to car accident. i slit my wrists 13 yrs ago i have od 1. i know im a wonderful mom and i love them more than life and think they would be better wout me. it would traumatize but be better in the end. i finished the journals i kept 4 them so they will know all. im readt 2 b done last night i cut 4 the 1st time in a yr. had to go get stitches. im going to end it i know this but ill sleep on it tonite this is my last attempt at help.