Don't want to but it is now inevitable

[Tonight]

For me it will be the easy way, but the reality is that no matter what I do or what I try I'm ready to just give in and go.
I'm 53, I have had fun in my life, made a bit of money, but I have to leave the house or just die. and I'm too old and now handicap to find new employment.

I tried once a week ago, we had some stuff in the house for anxiety, so I researched it and found out how many would kill someone. So I took that amount and washed them down with about 8 ounces of whiskey.
All I got out of it was that I drove into work the next morning drunk.. or at least feeling that way.
Tonight, I bought some Dilantin, (don't ask where) and I'm giving one more day to think on it, if something does not happen by tomorrow night, I will take the< edit moderator total eclipse method> I'm pretty sure that I will pass in my sleep.

So, do I contact my GP, or do I call a prevention line or just check myself in.
Its so strange, in one way, I don't want to, on the other hand, the pull to do it is stronger.

If I don't post in the next week, then we know.

Peace to all. Don't let it get to this point.

 

[total eclipse]

Hi hun i would go to hospital and sign yourself in and get some help okay if you cannot get to hospital call a crisis line and they will get help sent to you
You do not have to harm yourself okay there is help so call the help line tell them you are going to hurt yourself now and need help okay then when in hosptial you will get the support you need Help is there okay hun so call for it.