Don't Want to Come Back

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by captain2004, May 12, 2010.

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  1. captain2004

    captain2004 New Member

    I've posted here before. I'm a desperately unhappy graduate student that has constant thoughts of self-euthanasia to escape graduate school and the lab. Therapy and medicine have been not very helpful.

    I'm going on a road trip for two weeks with my wife starting in a few days to get away from the grind. The problem is that I don't want to come back. I have fantasies of this trip being my "last hurrah"- doing away with myself before I get back so at least I can go out happy.

    I think a bag over my head with an icepack in it to simultaneously cool the air would be my best bet. Its portable and concealable from my wife. I can go out one morning and just be done with bad economies, publications, depression, anxiety, and all my issues.

    I don't know what I'm posting for. I need something to free me, but I'm lost and so far haven't found it. Perhaps just a thanks for everyone for being on the forum. This place hopefully is helping someone, but I think I'm beyond retrieval. I'm just so sad.
  2. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    hey captain..the 2 weeks away may just be what you need to stop those thoughts...
    give yourself the time away and make the most of the time with your wife and hopefully enjoy the trip..
    if you go with the suicidal mindset you won't even be giving yourself a chance....
    I hope it's an amazing trip for you and we'll see you back here in a fortnight....
  3. Madam Mim

    Madam Mim Well-Known Member

    Hi captain,

    I'm sorry you're feeling so lost and alone. As IV says, this may be just what you need. I'm not saying that it'll be some magical cure, but I always find that time away from my daily life is extremely beneficial, if only for a little while. It can help you gain some perspective, and maybe make some plans for the future while you're away from your problems and distractions.

    I don't know how possible this is, but perhaps you could take the oppportunity to talk honestly and openly with your wife and explain exactly what is going on?

    I know this won't help if you're determined, but please, please, don't take anything potentially dangerous with you on your trip. Take the time out to think hard about things and just try to enjoy the time away. Please don't write yourself off just yet.

  4. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Hey captain, I am curious is there any reason you really need to go to graduate school? I know that some fields of study you will do better off with a grad degree. However, it sounds like you need a little time away from school. I know when I was an undergrad I had grad school aspirations. Then I got to my senior year and those aspirations were gone :p

    Have you told this to your wife? Maybe she can help. I know when I am feeling down I always like to rant it out and get feedback. You have a wife, she can do that for you... well she is supposed too anyway.

    College life is a bitch and a half. Trust me I know, I graduated from college 3 years ago. Anyone who has been through or is going through college will agree with me. You just have to tough it out. That is part of being in college surviving. You will survive, just hold on.
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