I've posted here before. I'm a desperately unhappy graduate student that has constant thoughts of self-euthanasia to escape graduate school and the lab. Therapy and medicine have been not very helpful. I'm going on a road trip for two weeks with my wife starting in a few days to get away from the grind. The problem is that I don't want to come back. I have fantasies of this trip being my "last hurrah"- doing away with myself before I get back so at least I can go out happy. I think a bag over my head with an icepack in it to simultaneously cool the air would be my best bet. Its portable and concealable from my wife. I can go out one morning and just be done with bad economies, publications, depression, anxiety, and all my issues. I don't know what I'm posting for. I need something to free me, but I'm lost and so far haven't found it. Perhaps just a thanks for everyone for being on the forum. This place hopefully is helping someone, but I think I'm beyond retrieval. I'm just so sad.