Dont want to cry anymoreH

[aintnosuns]

Hi. I ruined my life. I am physically disabled and in constant pain. I had 2 things that kept me going - my partner and my child.But like all the rubbish happens to me I was a victimof a sexual assault. That made my worhtless feeling even stronger.

I found a jopb and lost it (forgive the typos pls)and I fell into a deep depression. Right after losing my job I developped a dental problem which was very painful but se couldnt afford treatment.

The long and short of it is I drank.I lost my kid. I am fighting to get her backbut I feel there is no hope anymore and I want to end it all. I dont drink anymore but I have lost the most precious thing in my life and dont like waking up in the mornings - it is too painful realising I have another day to feel rubbish.

Well that is all

Thanks fir listening

Aintnosuns

 

[Stranger1]

You know you can get your childback,all you have to do is make sure your home is clean andget a couple of references saying you have quit drinking and finally show you are looking for work.. I know it isn't easy but the state would rather place a child with there natural parent..

 

[Butterfly]

Im sorry you feel so rubbish. I hope you can find some support on here and feel better soon. Welcome to SF!!! Xxx

 

[aintnosuns]

I live in the UK - my ex husband is being terrible and I only get to see my precious daughter 2 times a year. I have to go and FIGHT in court - but I havent the strength I feel.I HATE what I did.Your post was so nice - but it is useless I am afraid.

 

[aintnosuns]

I need a miracle but one is not going to happen...

 

[BornFree]

Hi aintnosuns

I too am a disabled parent in constant pain. So not easy I know, I can't imagine your pain of losing your daughter, please don't give up. Fight for her, I don't know your circumstances but there are organizations like Disabled parents network that can advise you and support your fight to get her back.

Meanwhile please know that you're not alone! There are people on here who care, keep reaching out and get the support you need right now. Sometimes when we can't see the wood for the trees others can have a better perspective from a distance so please take care of yourself. you've done so well stopping drinking, that in itself is a HUGE battle won. It speaks volumes of your strength of character. So you're half way there!

Hang in there!

 

[aintnosuns]

Im sorry you feel so rubbish. I hope you can find some support on here and feel better soon. Welcome to SF!!! Xxx

That quote at the bottom of your e mail says it ALL!!! Thanks for understanding. I just miss my little girl so uch my heart breaks and breaks every day over and over again and it is all my fault for not being strong.

 

[aintnosuns]

Where do I find this organisation for disabled parents? I feel as if Ive been (and sorry moderator) raped all over again bySocial Services. I WAS a rubbish mum when I was drinking but that is over now and I really really miss her with all my heart. Please tell me Ditsy.God bless

 

[Fitzy]

Hi. Do you have any support from an alcohol service? Someone who could help you apply for more regular contact?
Giving up alcohol is such a positive - well done. Recognise how strong you are.
Sending love xxxx

 

[aintnosuns]

Thank all of you who have written.Iam not in a group that deals with alcohol solely - but itisgreat support and it is provided by the NHS. I just need to get my daughter back in my life in the sense that I am trying so hard to get well and I can be the mum that she needs and wants and my ex husband and Social Services are destroying any chance.

When she went intocare she was mad at me - and I dont blame her.Ihad been horrid.Alcohol ruled my life. But things are different now.But no one will listen and I get despondent. I have lost my child for good.Ionly see her twice a year.And the pain issogreat that even thinking about it reduces itto tears. And i dont want to live any more.

I messed up soterribly - and anyone that knows something that can help - I would appreciate it. I am tired of crying and would rather be dead.

But thank you so much for the support

 

[Fitzy]

You need to be supported in your attempts to see your daughter. Try MIND in your area - they should have an advocacy worker who can advise you.
Take care xx

 

[aintnosuns]

Thank you Fitzy. I will try MIND tomorrow.Take care

Mary xx

 

[aintnosuns]

Hi all - I tried MIND... but I cannot use the service. Its all gone abitPete Tong... AND I have no hope at all.Death would be a release - because1) I believein heaven;and 2) if there isno heaven then nothingness would be preferable to this pain. Thank you -all of you.Iam sc****d .

Mary