I'm very suicidal as I write this, but it's been a very long and well-thought out process. I have always been relatively happy and a survivor, but I now find that life simply will not allow me to move forward. I may not be alone in this. I'm a single, middle-aged woman (over 50) who has no family or children. I've sailed through life alone, and at times have even surprised myself at how resilient I was. Life has now put me in a position of no return, and I fear that I have to commit suicide, since I care too much about myself. Honestly. I have always had to support myself, like most people. It hasn't always been easy, but I'm intelligent, was resourceful and had physical energy. I made my way, and we usually hired when I interviewed for a job. After being laid-off from my corporate job over two years ago, I have been struggling - and I mean STRUGGLING - to find a job - any job. Many of you may understand what's happening: Age discrimination coupled with an unbearable economy has left me with one choice: To go live in a homeless shelter and wake up every morning just trying to survive. I have gone through all of my savings (which I am thankful I had at least) paying rent, food, insurance, etc. for almost 3 years now. I have sent out HUNDREDS, possibly thousands of resumes with carefully worded and creative cover letters. Silence. Nothing. I have had a handful of interviews that were the result of successful "phone interviews" at first. The moment the interviewer saw that I was over-50, forget it. Mind you, I'm an attractive, well-groomed, healthy, relatively young-looking 50 years old -- but, I'm still 50. I've tried EVERYTHING -- E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G. I've tried taking classes (spend a few thousand dollars) to update skills, certifications, you name it. I've been creative and tried to market myself (I have done freelance writing in the past.) Nothing. Nada. One brick wall upon another. I am exhausted and worn to the nub. I've tried to get mental help but was served with platitudes and no real, viable constructive advice. I've had a few friends who fill me with platitudes: "You must be strong..." "You must hang on..." Yada, yada, yada.... very easy for them to say as they sit in their apartments/homes, with a job, a paycheck coming in. Nice position to be perched on. I've talked to social services. Being a single woman, older without children doesn't help. I've spoken to clergy. Here's my reality: I must now choose between living in a homeless shelter where I fear for my life and health, or on the streets. I'm not joking. Honestly. I've tried to apply for live-in housekeeper positions, but apparently I'm too "sophisticated" or "accomplished" according to some perspective employers. And, since I've never actually been a live-in, I don't have experience. (This is not to disregard any profession, want to make that clear. It points out how people tend to put us in boxes, creating a Catch-22 with employment.) If you are of a certain age, do not have a job, no hope for one in the foreseeable future based on the enormous energy you've already put into your search ... where does it leave a person? Does life come down to waking up cold, hungry and trying to survive? I think for many it does? I sit in disbelief that is apparently is coming down to this for me, unbelievably frightened of the consequences. I can't be alone in thinking that self-love would be to end this all, and not to suffer such a fate in earth.