Dont Want To Give Up But...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by indie, Sep 6, 2009.

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  1. indie

    indie Active Member

    i feel i have to i dont feel like i have a choice its like im stuck in a dark room with no way out and this would be the only way out.

    i know im here again, and im sorry but i sick of pretending everything is fine when its not im sick of cowering in the dark waiting for him to come back and get me.
    i hate myself so much right now. i dont even know if im making sense here.
  2. mandyj101

    mandyj101 Well-Known Member

    hi there..
    u are making sense..i have been feeling the same way for a while now..
    im sorry i havent read your other posts.. can i ask who 'he' is?
    have you tried taking 2 any1 there about how ur feeling?
    i hope your ok.. keep posting here if you can xx
  3. indie

    indie Active Member

    he is my father a few years ago before i actually found out that he is my father my mother phoned to tell me he took his own life because i told the family secrets she said to me i hope your happy ive lost my soul mate the fact that he, my grandfather and my fathers friends abused me for years didnt enter her mind then i find out from my litle sister that he was alive and well i couldnt belive id been lied to like that but i got over it then afew months ago i was told again that hes taken his life then about 3 weeks ago i get aphone call at 12 midnight it was him i knew it was him from the voice and now i just feel completely unsafe and theres not a damn thing the police will or can do as he hasnt threatened me he just wants to talk he says, yeah right!!!! thts wht he used to say when i was 5 yrs old.

    this is all my own fault i should have fought back all those years ago or at least keep my stupid mouth shut about the family secrets.

    i deserve to die.
  4. mandyj101

    mandyj101 Well-Known Member

    hi there .. sorry i didnt reply sooner..
    it sounds like u have so much 2 deal with at the moment..

    its not your fault.. i have secrets my family dont know about also.. i have made a choice not 2 tell them.. but just because you have.. doesnt make what happened 2 u your fault.. or how they have reacted your fault either..

    hope your ok :hug: pm me anytime x
  5. GS9

    GS9 General

    Hello, though i can only understand alittle of how you might feel i want you to know that i was too also abused by my father,

    I would like to ask you to meet him (and i know how painful it might be)
    Go to a Public area like mc donalds and make it a 5min meeting
    If you leave on good terms then set up another 5min meeting

    But dont take my advice if you dont feel comfortable
  6. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    When someone chooses to do an act...they still have the choice.

    My father suffered from depression for years and was left untreated. His wife could have sought treatment for him but didnt. Still in the end, he knew right from wrong when he decided to molest a child.

    Whatever you said or did, your father still made that decision ON HIS OWN! Just like my dad did.....we couldnt stop our fathers from acting. They could have chosen a differnt path. They could have reached out for support.

    They didnt.

    But I did when I was suicidal, and came here.

    Now, my dear friend, you are doing the same.

    Remember sometimes :poo: and there aint anything we can do about it.

    Better to just let it wash away so we can continue walking down the road of life.

    Time to start working on you.

    What is in the past, keep it in the past. You only have today, and tomorrow. ANd today is enough to be concerned with.
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