Dont want to go to my friends wedding

[wastedmylife]

I had a horribly traumatic childhood, I was just starting to get my life together back in 2005, when I had to move back home, I told myself it was only temporary and I was able to live there as I was able to take it 1 day at a time

Anyway in late October 2005, I was about a week away from moving away from home and I was so excited to start my life, my friend called me and told me about a football game that I didnt want to play in, I told him over and over again I didnt want to play in the game, yet like an idiot he called me the day of the game and like an idiot I went over there and played

And the first play of the game he tackled me and I broke my ankle, and I was confined to my home for (supposed to be) 6-8 weeks

I went absolutely crazy in that month, to the point after a month I got up and left and went to a motel to live

I know my friend wasnt to blame as he didnt force me to play in that football game, but it bothers me that I told him over and FUCKING OVER that I didnt want to play in that game and I told him the NIGHT FUCKING BEFORE THE GAME NOT TO CALL ME AND IF I AM THERE I AM THERE AND IF I AM NOT I AM NOT, and sure enough he called me and because I am a weak idiot I went over there to play

Anyway he isnt the problem, the problem is my home and my miserable childhood and the fact I had come to terms with everything and was only able to live there on a temporary day to day basis and when my ankle broke and I was confined in that home I wasnt able to deal with it and went crazy, it would be the equivalent of maybe a POW being tortured in a POW camp and finally being released after years and finally coming to terms with it then having to go back to that camp and being confined there living around the people who tortured him for a undisclosed amount of time

but regardless, I am still bitter at him, beause I had made it very FUCKING CLEAR TO HIM that I didnt want to play in that fucking football game because I almost forsaw something like that happening, infact the only reason I did wind up playing was because I knew he would be pissed at me the next day and I wanted to go over to his place to watch the football games and I know he wouldnt answer my calls

Anyway this has changed my life in such a way, I have not been able to recover and my life has gone down so much since then, I have had so many injuries and so many fluke things happen to me that I dont think would have happened to me if I hadnt played in that stupid game

Anyway I dont know what to do, I am a shell of a human being now, I tell him I am unsure if I want to go to his bachelor party or not, to which he gets pissed and doesnt want to hear it, and if he knew I didnt want to go to his wedding(where I would be one of the groomsmen) he would never talk to me again

But truthfully I dont give a shit, I question if he is really a friend after this incident and some other things he has done

I pretty much have no friends left after him, but I wonder if it is worth it, I think I am afraid to tell him off because I will have no friends left besides him, but wonder if I care anymore

I cant believe what my life has come to all because of a stupid fucking football game, that I didnt want to fucking play in

 

[fromthatshow]

Wow. I am very sorry all this has happened :hug:

If this person is not making you feel good, and it sounds like they aren't, I would say that do not worry about losing them as a friend. You said you don't give a shit if they don't talk to you again, and to me it sounds like if this person isn't going to talk to you again, that you might be better off without them. There will always be opportunities to make new friends. Personally, I wouldn't hold onto someone if the only reason was because they were my only friend. Don't let yourself be brought down.
If you are feeling really down though and find yourself without people to talk to, you might want to try counesling. It has helped me a lot to have someone to talk to about things going on with me. Especially having a traumatic childhood, it would be helpful. Don't know if you've given that a shot yet.
Anyway, I am here if you ever need someone to talk to. If you ever need a friend
:arms:

 

[Dave_N]

I guess you should have listened to your intuition and not playing in that ill-fated football game. So now your choices are to go or not to go? If you go then you will have to be a groomsman and if you don't go, you will lose this friend. You have to decide if his friendship is worth keeping. Only you can decide that. But if you're really not feeling up to a wedding then you shouldn't go. There's no point in going and being miserable at his wedding.

 

[Anime-Zodiac]

In the end, you got to weigh it all up. You say this friend has also done other things in the past to make you doubt him. It's understandable that you don't want to lose a friendship. Also if he was a good friend then he would be understanding but it seems like he's not.