Don't want to harm myself but also don't want to live

[Jsinjin]

I realize I don't have suicidal feelings as much as I wish I just wasn't alive. I don't want to harm myself, I just wish I could cease to exist. I spend my days wishing that and my sleep is wonderful until I wake up again and I'm still here.

I hate the pain and numb sadness of depression. I've had it so many years and tried to many things and it says comes back. I'm so tired of caring and having to do things. Lately I've just wanted to be vaporized and have my entire existence wiped out forever backwards and forwards.

 

[MosesY]

I know that feeling too well. It is because of the way your brain works; your synapses are sparking slowly. I would suggest to keep trying to fight it. Find something you enjoy in life and then spend as much time as you can doing it.

 

[irrelevant180]

ik ken mensen die zichzelf pijn doen om dit zulk redenen, ik zou iemand raadplegen, en als je niet kunt stoppen scherpe voorwerpen weghalen uit je buurt. hopelijk kom je erweer bovenop

 

[MosesY]

ik ken mensen die zichzelf pijn doen om dit zulk redenen, ik zou iemand raadplegen, en als je niet kunt stoppen scherpe voorwerpen weghalen uit je buurt. hopelijk kom je erweer bovenop

"I know people who hurt themselves for this reason, I would consult someone, and if you cannot stop, take sharp objects away from you. hopefully you will recover"

 

[KindaOtiose]

Hi @Jsinjin. What you are feeling is quite common. There are many people who are suicidal, but would never do anything to hurt themselves. Some have called it the "gray area" of being suicidal.

I'm sorry you've tried many things to relieve your depression, but none have worked. Do you feel like you've run out of options? I'm sure you haven't. There are plenty of options for therapy or medication, and sometimes it takes some time and adjustment to get them right.

Hang in there. You can feel better. Sending hugs .