I should have graduated this spring... watching people in caps and gowns with family members caused me to have a panic attack. Due to transferring from a top tier school to a 3rd tier school I have accrued about 50K in debt and will have very few prospects of going to grad school. I have been looking for a job for the last 3 weeks, and dropped off over a hundred resumes. Nothing has come of it. Right now I make about 80 bucks a week, beg for more hours or a small promotion, but this is futile as management (middle aged women who by default want to hate me) won't cut me a break. I simply need a job that will net me 200-300 bucks a week after taxes. I used to change jobs every couple of months when I got bored, even if something wasn't lined up, I'd find one in a couple of days. I have panic attacks on the sidewalk after I walk into business after business and get turned away. The only people who have jobs to offer want to give me 10-15 hours a week and expect me to keep open availability for it. I should be looking to a REAL job at this juncture in my life, not begging for a serving job... and not getting it. My phone will be shut off in a couple of days, and unless I can pay next month's rent I will not have the option of renewing my lease. I can't move back home because I go to school out of state. I am already 3 semesters behind in school. I just finished a 4 week IOP and couldn't continue because I cant afford the 10 dollar a day copay. I can barely afford my medication with insurance. I eat Ramen noodles every day, and rarely finish a hold package because I feel like there is a hummingbird in my stomach, and not much room for anything else. I had to beg for money on the street one day so that I could take the train to my $8 dollar an hour job. At one point, I got into an ivy league school. I've had so little to work with in life, and what did have I fucked up. Last night I was talking to a friend and after I pronounced my life hopeless, she asked me if I'd ever hurt myself. All I could say is that I don't want to have to kill myself, but unless something develops in the next couple of weeks, I might HAVE to.