don't want to live anymore

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Auerbach, Jul 1, 2016.

  1. Auerbach

    Auerbach Well-Known Member

    I am a piece of shit and everybody knows it. I feel like I am the scum of the earth. I never had anything in my life. I don't know what happiness feels like at all. I am 28 and have been depressed since I was a teenager. Nothing ever helped, nothing ever got better. I am on meds now and therapy and neither of them help. I graduated college last month and everything is still the same, i still feel the same and the circumstances are still the same. I have no income and am looking for a job with no luck. I'm not even sure if I am able to work since I always lose every job I have. I'm even thinking about applying for disability.

    Socially I am isolated, I have no friends, not even online, and I never had a gf before. I get crazy mood swings and lately I have been feeling like self harming and having suicidal ideations. I feel everyone has something against me, that nobody likes me, and that people just want to mock me, laugh at me, make fun of me, or put me down. And with my low self esteem and anxiety, it makes me afraid of people. I feel like all 7 billion people in this world are better than me in every way imaginable. I feel like a complete piece of shit, not even human.

    I do not care what the future holds because things have never changed. I am still the same person, stupid, loser, hideous, loner, weirdo. Everyone is better than me. I can't even be around people because I feel inferior to everyone. I don't care about life, I just want to off myself. The only reason I don't do it yet is because of my mother, so instead I just live everyday in hell.
  2. MisterBGone

    MisterBGone Well-Known Member

    Well, I don't think any of those bad things about you, and in fact, find you to be a pretty cool personality, actually. So, don't worry about the past, or the future. Work on the present. And that's enough to figure out. How long have you been seeking treatment? Sometimes, often times--more times than not it seems--it takes a certain period of time to be completely effective. Think about it like this - if you've been feeling this badly for say a good number of years, and then you try some professional forms of recovery for just a brief period (I dunno, say 1/10 the time or something like that) how's it supposed to have a good chance at succeeding? I'm no expert, but I just try and think about things from an alternate perspective for others. Because it's easy to become tunnel visioned within our own spectrum of pain.
  3. Auerbach

    Auerbach Well-Known Member

    Thanks misterbgone, you have always been kind to me and took the time to share your thoughts, i appreciate that.