Don't want to mislead him...

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by KittyGirl, Oct 13, 2010.

  1. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    The situation is this:
    A friend of mine emailed me today and asked if I would want to go with him to a thing in December. (let me clarify XD lol; by 'thing' I mean award ceremony. He's receiving an award for a film he directed)

    We've talked before about how I feel about the whole 'dating scene' and that I'm not ready, so I just assumed he would understand my feelings.
    I said, I will think about it-- but my answer is a tentative yes.
    I didn't clarify right away if he was considering it a date agh! I don't know. I'm just kind of confused now.
    I don't want to let him down by going as his date to this big fancy thing and then not putting out or something... -__- lol (I'm more than positive any other girl he'd ask to be his date would put out after a night of extravagance.)

    About our relationship - we've been close friends since highschool. We worked together at the movie theater, he was always like a brother to me.
    In College (we went to the same film school) he had been cheated on by his second long-term girlfriend (his first one cheated on him too. really not fair because he is a great guy.) and he was going through a rough time, so I let him vent to me and say whatever he liked.
    It's been my understanding that his feelings for me have always been more than friendship but I've only ever had eyes for my (now) ex.
    He is a good friend. I was part of cast/crew for 4 of his 7 films he has directed and produced - we work well together.
    I don't want to fuck up our relationship by letting him down or hurting his feelings...

    should I tell him to ask another girl to be his date?
    Should I just come out and tell him I don't want for it to be a formal 'date' thing...? Would I sound stupid or stuck up telling him that if he already knew? Am I just overthinking this wayyyy too much, as usual? o_0
    ...I don't know the rules of this game. I'm confused...
    I also am not certain that I will be feeling up to going to a public event by then or not. Only time will tell, I suppose.
  2. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    I think you're overthinking it.

    He hasn't suggested that it's as a date explicitly, so just act under the assumption that it's not and you're going as friends.

    I wouldn't clarify it as only being that to him though. Personally, if I asked a girl somewhere as a friend and she said to me "I only want to go as friends" it would make me feel pretty shitty that she'd assume I was after that had I only platonic intentions.
  3. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    Okay. Think of this: if he was looking for pussy, would he be looking two months ahead? I think this is intended to be friendly... or he's abnormally long-term in his planning.
  4. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    haha~ well... I don't know about that.

    Since his last girlfriend cheated on him and broke up with him, he's been a bit mixed up- or, I guess... just not looking for anything serious.
    He's had probably 20 'girlfriends' since then.
    I suppose that's just the way he's dealing with things but it worries me a little bit because I'm still pretty fragile and I guess I know he looks at me as a woman and not just as a chick that's his friend.
  5. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    I just need to stop thinking, I guess. -___-

    The more I think about his possible motives, the more freaked out I get. He's known me for a long time- I think he understands how I feel.
    I'll just have to trust his judgment.
  6. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    Exactly. It'll be fine.
  7. 1112222

    1112222 Well-Known Member

    Ditto and not to mention its a little late for him to try use you as a rebound.

    And contrary to popular belief there are men out there who just want to be friends and won't try to get into your pants when your not looking :laugh:
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 13, 2010
  8. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    I would just try to enjoy yourself and celebrate his accomplishment. From your description, he doesn't sound like the sort to be pressuring you to have sex.
  9. Axiom

    Axiom Account Closed

    Yeah I would just go and enjoy it. He sounds like someone who's asking one of his close friends to enjoy that moment with. You're in the film industry too right, I bet he thinks you'll apprciate it. Like aoeu said, 2 months is a long time to plan for some late night fun.

    And if something does crack off, just be how you are now. If you go to this as a friend, just react as a friend if he hints and something like that. Tell him to shut up in a joking way. Just put him straight :)
  10. 1izombie

    1izombie Well-Known Member

    i think your trying to read into his intentions and are maybe over thinking it a little bit. If you go, set boundaries for your self and if he crosses then let him know. He seems like a good close friend so im sure he wouldn't intentionally put u into a situation where your uncomfortable. As for your uncertainty about going to a public event, I would imagine its a lot easier if you go with someone you trust and from how you describe him it seems like you have a close friendship with each other so maybe let him know (if you havent already) about your anxiety about this and maybe come up with a solution (like leaving early if it gets over whelming).
  11. mulberrypie

    mulberrypie Well-Known Member

    yeah, it seems to just be friendly to me as well. you laid out to him ur not ready to date again, and he hasnt suggested it is anything more. i think that is sufficient. if he makes it out to be more than it is it is not your fault. go and have fun !!! i wouldnt think anymore into it.
  12. BP#1

    BP#1 Well-Known Member

    What hook does he have in you? Shrug him off and live. All his problems, don't take them on. Let him deal with it all........