until now, i hadn't cut in well over a year. i thought i was over it. then i tried to commit suicide twice in a little over a week by cutting my wrists. it was deep. now i'm having the hardest time fighting the urge to do it again. it scares me because of how deep i went, and i just don't think that now i will ge tthe same results with smnaller cuts. i'm scared of permanent damage. i barely avoided that this time. i still have a pakc of razor blades that they didn't find. i know i should get rid of them, but i just can't bring myself to do it. i really don't want to go there again. yet i do.