First of all I've been contemplating suicide for a long while. Got a method (fool-proof I hope) to combat the loneliness, the depression of having failed at too many things, and fear of the future without a job. Added to this losing med insurance as of Feb so i won't have meds to keep me going. the thought of being alone and having an empty life without work to keep me busy and with poeple absolutely terrifies me. But lately I have become resistent to the idea. thinking about it makes me cry so I know I don't want to do it. The method has to done in spring so I will have months of emptiness to get by. Watching my savings evaporate. I jsut made a major change to the will to protect my adult daughter. That's also why I have to die - so she will have enough to survive. I know she will be upset that I have died. I'm hoping she will get over it quickly. She has a great support system. But I don't want her to be in therapy wondering how to cope. I have started her involvment in running the house. I don't know why I have to write this here. Maybe b/c I know some of you have read my posts and replied and I feel comfortable writing here. I can't talk of suicide anywhere and talking of it and knowing I am heard lets a little of the stress caused by it.