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Don't you understand...

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.. I'm only trying to help you?

that your shouting brings me back to other things and raises my anxiety?

that you banging things does the same?

that if I suggest something medical, its only because I care. I'm not trying to cause you pain or similar.

that all of this is tearing at my heart, too.

that I understand I can't possibly know what your feelings and thoughts are?

that I'm in such pain that I cut and I work so very hard to hide this from you?

that my thoughts go to dark places as I'm not sure I can get though this and watch you die.

that I feel so selfish for these thoughts when you are fighting so hard to live.

that I feel alcohol is still my foe, yet here I am at times repeating behaviors that made me the way I am?

that I do want to run away, yet I know I can't leave you alone?

that just because I need some time to myself, its doesn't reflect negatively on you?

that, after all this time, I am still hiding some things from you and which I will never reveal?

that I am only me - an imperfect human being.

that I need outlets too. Please don't get upset when I try to do things that don't involve you.

that I am scared, really scared, of the future?

that I need some slack, some time to recharge my heart & soul. I feel like I am drowning fast at times.

and finally - don't you understand that I am really trying - but that I ask for your forgiveness for being less than perfect and for not being all that you need me to be right now. I am sorry.
 
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