Don't you understand...

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by MoAnamCara, Oct 19, 2011.

  1. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    .. I'm only trying to help you?

    that your shouting brings me back to other things and raises my anxiety?

    that you banging things does the same?

    that if I suggest something medical, its only because I care. I'm not trying to cause you pain or similar.

    that all of this is tearing at my heart, too.

    that I understand I can't possibly know what your feelings and thoughts are?

    that I'm in such pain that I cut and I work so very hard to hide this from you?

    that my thoughts go to dark places as I'm not sure I can get though this and watch you die.

    that I feel so selfish for these thoughts when you are fighting so hard to live.

    that I feel alcohol is still my foe, yet here I am at times repeating behaviors that made me the way I am?

    that I do want to run away, yet I know I can't leave you alone?

    that just because I need some time to myself, its doesn't reflect negatively on you?

    that, after all this time, I am still hiding some things from you and which I will never reveal?

    that I am only me - an imperfect human being.

    that I need outlets too. Please don't get upset when I try to do things that don't involve you.

    that I am scared, really scared, of the future?

    that I need some slack, some time to recharge my heart & soul. I feel like I am drowning fast at times.

    and finally - don't you understand that I am really trying - but that I ask for your forgiveness for being less than perfect and for not being all that you need me to be right now. I am sorry.
  2. Isabel

    Isabel Staff Alumni

    I hope you showed this to the person it was written for. It expresses very well how you feel.