Doomed Either Way...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Terminal Denial, Feb 27, 2013.

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  1. Terminal Denial

    Terminal Denial New Member

    I have a genetic timebomb lurking in my cells that will one day not only be my demise, but will also strip away every ability (cognitive and physical) I currently have. There is no treatment on the horizon for my condition that will reverse or even slow its relentless course. The prospect of wasting away until my brain is so damaged it simply forgets how to breathe is something I cannot stand.

    With my destiny already determined, I have to be content with what I have accomplished in life and I simply wish to depart the world under my own conditions. No matter what I decide, I ultimately will not live to enjoy my golden years, let alone middle age. While the doctors say their crystal ball is broken as to how much time I have left, the answer always is to go make sure to have my affairs in order and do whatever I can to enjoy life right now while I'm still lucid and somewhat physically able. I also dread the medical expenses my family will be left to bear once I get to a state where total care is required.

    I don't know why I don't act through on my thoughts when it really is better for all concerned. I suppose it's the unknown that awaits that's the scariest.
  2. katrina77

    katrina77 Guest

    I can understand how you feel. I also have a genetic disorder that will eventually kill me. I spent my childhood in hospitals, having painful surgeries, tests, etc.

    Now, it is getting worse. I'm watching my body die, and the pain is unbearabe at times.

    But I'm still fighting. Too stubborn to stop fighting, I guess. I guess part of it is having some really a-hole doctors give me time lines; I want to live long enough to prove them wrong.

    I also know it won't be better for those around me if I give in and take my life. That would not only leave them with grief at my death, but leave them with guilt and anger. I just can't do that to them. Especially since my son has the same disorder. I have to fight, to show him it can be done.

    Hang in there. Each day is a chance to do something for someone else, or do something you want. It's worth fighting for.
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I don'tknow hun i work in a field where i hear doctors say the same thing to pts and they have been known to be wrong hun. That such pt had so much time yet they are still living still enjoying life Noone can see what will come in future hun noone has that ability. New meds new research being done every day hun new discoveries Who knows what will happen hun so yes enjoy each day you have ok Keep yourself as healthy as you can so if something new does come hun you will be ready to try it. There is always hope hun and noone should take that away noone
  4. Terminal Denial

    Terminal Denial New Member

    Thank you both for your replies. Yes, the idea that some medical breakthrough will occur in time to alter my fate is part of what has kept me here thus far. I still have a reasonable quality of life, even with the slowly increasing physical problems and medications required to counter them. One day at a time...
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