It's been a while since I've been here, but nothing has changed. I look around and everyone I know is moving on to something with their lives. Meanwhile, when I actually have a moment to myself, all I do is contemplate my future and come to the conclusion that committing suicide within the next 10 months is the best course of action. Statistically, I'm bound to end up in some shitty job I never wanted working my ass off to pay child support for my 2 kids that my ex-wife has custody over. The chances of me hating myself even more increases with time. I used to think I was a pessimist, but I'm viewing things from a purely realistic perspective. I know that I'm headed towards disaster and I just don't want that. Every second I'm left alone to think I just keep coming back to suicide. It's like my shadow. Suicide just seems so comforting at times; no worries, no disappointment, no hatred, no sorrow, no pain. Doesn't sound too bad. I read a statistic that says as people age, their likeliness of committing suicide increases. If I'm like this now, how long do you think I can survive? Maybe it's easier to just give up; stop trying to reach a non-existent finish line. I can't keep putting on a happy face for the next 60 years. Life is shit and I don't want any part of it.