You’ve just left gone for good but the room still smells like you. Cigarettes and that particular scent that I associate only with being near you. I wonder now as I sit here crying at how fucked up this whole thing was laughing a little at the same time because you always made me laugh made me sit up and pay attention I wonder if the smell of stale ciggies even the word, ciggies, inflected with your accent your tone of voice, your addiction, will ever stop reminding me of you. You left me a surprise told me not to open it until you were gone. I’m afraid. I don’t know what it is surely not what I’m hoping but I’ll look now. Breath in and hold a tight breath and find what you left behind. A digital trail of memories. Not what I baited myself with but sweet funny, a little you-centered, which was fine it was always fine. I loved how much you you were, so undeniably you. Talented and funny and charismatic beautiful with a smile like a blade a little sharp a little cutting but always kind. I loved your hips you didn’t always. Wide hips curved hips. Strong, individual, insurmountable just like you.