Dose anyone live more dangerously...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by jwill226, Mar 1, 2010.

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  1. jwill226

    jwill226 Member

    ...praying that you will get that sweet release?

    For example:
    I make the 20 minute drive home from work at 3am. I don't wear a seat belt and my POS cars driver side door doesn't latch. I pray that some drunk will cross the line and.... game over

    I had a cop on the phone who refused to do his job. I threatened to kill him in great detail. To my disappointment he never came to my house.

    I turned in members of a Mexican drug cartel that was cooking meth into ATF. They where arrested and no one sought retribution.

    The list goes on. I have 3 family members that would be devastated if I where to just do it myself and I am getting tired of waiting for them to pass so I can take care of myself. So I put myself in dangerous situations so that if I die they will be mad at someone else and not think they failed me. For me its not a matter of if I die, its a matter of when.

    Am I alone here?
  2. bluegrey

    bluegrey Antiquities Friend

    Taking risks and inviting danger or retribution to be visited upon you will more likely leave you alive but with very serious injuries that will make your emotional problems FAR harder to resolve. This imprecise suicide method may also only result in inadvertent collateral damage- injury or death of loved ones. I hope you agree.

    I have been in a desperate state where I purposely put myself at risk of physical harm. Maybe it is more a male behavior? Please make an attempt to get established with a mental health professional/clinic. Keep posting here and try getting help immediately before you get injured- okay?
  3. drkangl

    drkangl Active Member

    no i dont think you are alone in your thoughts. i used to be just like that i just didnt care. my actions never resulted in anything other than going to the hospital and people just thinking i was a whack job. when i was younger i would try things that most never would and all my friends thought that was sooo cool, they had no clue how very badly i wanted to die. on another note even ig it is just guilt holding you back we would miss you.
  4. ozbound

    ozbound Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    I do find that when i'm on the bike i take more risks than i used too, sometimes without realising it the other weekend it was damp out and i looked down at my speedo and i was well into triple figures 150+ MPH.
  5. Tim.

    Tim. SF Emoti-King

    I find that I'm not that way at all. I don't want to get in an accident or get hurt, and just be in the same situation only now with (select damaged body part/medical condition). It's also just kind of my nature that I'm not an adrenaline junky or anything, so I tend to be on the safe side a bit anyway.

    I was actually thinking about this the other day, in the sense that just because I have been suicidal doesn't mean I have nothing left to lose. Things can always get worse.
  6. jwill226

    jwill226 Member

    Thanks for the comments. I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one with these thoughts. All I want is for something to happen that takes away all this pain, these thoughts, and this shit hole of a so called life i have. I sleep with the answer to all my problems under my pillow but the only thing stopping me is what would go threw my families minds when they got the news.

    Bluegray: I respect your opinion, but I have absolutely no respect or trust for any one in the mental health field. Most of my trust issues are brought on by people in that field. With out getting too long winded when I was 10 threw 12 years old I was in counseling and on a few different meds for Hyperactivity and ADD (the ADD part was BS but at that time they lumped both of those things together). In that 2 year period 13 different counselors all told me that I had abandonment issues steaming from my life before I was adopted... ...then they all left me. Took better jobs, fired, what ever.. I was abandoned 13 more times. I'm 32 now and I still think about that all the time.

    Thats what happened to me; no disrespect to you what so ever Bluegray. But you are right. I could be left alive after one of my 'accidents', but that is a risk I am willing to take. Physical pain does not bother me. I have been threw things that women consider worse then childbirth and not missed a day of work. Its this damn mental pain thats driving me mad.
  7. 41021

    41021 Banned Member

    It's not just a guy thing. Women do it too.
  8. Monsieur

    Monsieur Well-Known Member

    I mostly become bent with self-destructive thoughts and fantasies when I feel hopeless and miserable. I guess it's somewhat of a mental form of self-injury when I start thinking about throwing myself off cliffs or getting completely addicted to drugs and alcohol. Though I've never really done either, just thinking about how to screw up life even more provides this sort of therapeutic outlet in a sick way that's hard to explain.

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