Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by simply_, Sep 11, 2011.

  1. simply_

    simply_ Member

    I haven't read anything at all, nothing about the world, about you, or whatever deems possible to be read. I sit here, just being a hypocrite, commanding and judging on my way in and out, tell you to go left, but going right myself.

    Secretly I know what I wish to say, and suddenly it all leaks from me leaving nothing but a shitstorm of words cluttering like blind birds against eachother in the sky. I know this is supposed to be a part where I relief myself, I guess it doesn't look like that to my eyes. I guess my way of screaming and crying in the open is by writing slowly but surely about... whatever.

    I don't quite know why I'm writing this, I was planning to do something different from the start, but the moment you start you reverse back to a beginning and now you have to solve the problem all over again, it's like a math problem that you can't seem to solve, reading it over and over again, everytime you end up doing the same thing, it's all pretty monotone.

    I feel selfish now that I'm writing this, acting like I'm all pathetic, it's not even what I wanted to do. I just wanted a place where I could leave a piece of me in peace. Probably in the hopes of an answer from a total stranger with words of wisdom that enlight me, although... I don't expect such. I guess I don't have much faith in even the smallest things after all.

    I guess if somebody reads this and doesn't go: "tl;dr" before the first sentence, then I'm already very appreciative of you, whoever you are. It already makes me feel like there is a little creature without judgement listening to you on your pace and without even a sound shows you that he or she understands. What I hate mostly though, is that the understanding won't provide me with a solution. I don't even know if there is one. There might be, but I have yet to find one. I know that whatever this solution might be, that I'm the one that has to make sure it actually happens... heh, I guess that is the hardest part thinking about it just now.

    It's akward writing about something without the beginning of the situation. That's probably because I don't know where the situation begins at, when I look at all this globally it feels like that it's not just a personal situation. It's like everything is connected with eachother and intertwined and it's splitting off into uncountable routes, off to... nowhere eventually... as if you need the knowledge of the universe itself for this one.

    Why can't it just be a simple answer? Something like: "yes." But it can't be that now can it? For we have to make eachothers day a mess. I don't understand it, why can't it all just be pretty moon/sunshine and happiness? Why do we have to go around bunging up against people and knock them off a path of happiness? Why were there even systems within systems... the human society feels messed up, completely denying it's own true form. It feels like mankind is forced into a shell made too small for itself. Nobody fits in his/her own shell, nobody likes their own shell, everybody is judging eachothers shell, but it's just a handfull that dares to go against it, rip if off their body, and show their true nature, and actually feel... alive. I don't know who these people are, but I would love to have a chat with the one who found his way out. So, so self centered again, but would you not? It should be shared, shouldn't it? That would be the best way really.

    You know... atleast mother nature still listens to us, she's a hard one to understand and reach, but once appreciated... one will feel so radiant. I guess for me the only reason that makes me feel truly excisting, human and alive are the moments that I look up and see the light of the sun glide past the edges of the clouds and the wind breezing past the petals of her roots.

    Beautiful she is, beautiful she creates, but the seeds are corrupted by doubt.

  2. musicalpsycho

    musicalpsycho Active Member

    Society does suck and that's one of the things that first drove me to suicidal thoughts. Everyone's a hypocrite on some level but if you realise what you're doing wrong, you can start to change those things. Using your analogy, if you don't have the confidence to rip out of your shell, why not try to fit into it more easily for the time being? Unfortunately, age and life experience seem to bring the answers we both appear to seek but depression doesn't exactly help. Since my public humliation and consequent downward spiral, I've been a lot more negative. Criticising anything and everything in sight (including peoples' behaviour etc) without even thinking about it.

    Anyway, my point is that for the time being we appear to both be stuck. The best we can do is try to improve how we see things and research our problems in an attempt to step closer to the solutions. We will get there eventually.