Doubts and the desire to make people happy

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by delargeal, Jan 14, 2010.

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  1. delargeal

    delargeal Well-Known Member

    Ok, I've put this post here because I kinda would like some feedback. I may ignore it and go back to my old ways but I guess I just need some kind of advice or something.

    I'm full of doubts at the moment. Right now I should be working on a presentation or another assignment that are both due in tomorrow (although my group is not meeting until later today).

    This is the problem, group work. I have a hard time at being social. I do try but I'm not very good at it. Normally I have to be around someone on a regular basis for quite a long time before we both get used to each other and can talk as friends.

    My group wants to split up. One of them said he was planning to work with another group next semester, and the other one then said he was as well which means that the third member of my group will work with them. I don't know if I'll be working with them. If I don't it means I'll have to work with people I don't know or get along with that well.

    Here comes the next predicament. One of my friends who I worked with back in college has been getting in touch recently. He's a good guy, but back in college he lacked the confidence that I had with the subjects and so he always sort of turned to me for help, and I always tried to help him as best I can.

    Over our first year of university, he found a good group to work with and he was becoming more confidant without my influence. It depressed me a little, as university was where I began to really doubt my abilities and yet he was doing so well. The master becomes the student, so to speak.

    He does the same course but is in a different tutor group so that's why we havn't seen each other as much as we did at college. What worried me the other day is that he mentioned he was worried because his work group was splitting up and he didn't have anyone to work with for the next semester.

    Here's my main predicament. The man is my friend, and knowing he has doubts upsets me. All I ever wanted was for my friends to be happy. What do I do to make him happy?

    If I moved tutor groups or he moved tutor groups, we could work together. I feel almost obligated to do it. Out of some old sense of responsibility, I feel it's my job to help my friend out and working with him means that I also have someone to work with.

    The downside, it may benefit us and make us happy temporarily but it wouldn't work too well in the long run. He may become reliant, I may talk down to him etc. It also means that we're sticking with the old. Neither of us would be getting that kind of social experience that we need.

    I also don't want my problems to affect his work.

    I don't know what to do. What I've mentioned above is just an extreme example of what I could do, especially to help a friend.

    I'm just doubting the whole university thing now and have been for a while. I don't know what I want to do, and the chances of me getting any kind of job to do with my degree is realistically zero.

    I've started to get more motivated though in my personal life and am trying to turn my life around. I'm planning on maybe going to see the counsellors at the start of the new semester although I say that regularly and have yet to do it.

    I just don't know.
     
  2. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    It sounds like you are growing more confident.. I'm glad to hear you are being more social.. This will help you when you start with a new group..Does your friend know you are moving to a new group??If you end up with the same group then you should set boundries with your friend..Let him know you are struggling also and that you can't carry him like you did in the past.. Do you do anything together outside of Uni?? I think honesty is the best thing in this case...Take Care!!
     
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