Down again!!!!

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by GoldenPsych, Jul 6, 2008.

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  1. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    So looks like I have hit another low point, so much so that I am considering ending it all again. I don't know what it is and what has caused it. I feel alone at the moment and I have tried to do things so that I don't feel so alone. I seem to be getting on at my bf all the time.

    Also I have had a letter from uni saying that my special sits has been excepted but they want me to do it next accademic year which means another year doing the same thing and there is no way that I can do that. I cant take 3 years to complete my final yr...not even a whole yr it is just 3 modules. I have to try and appeal it but I don't know if it will be. I need to take my exams in August. How the hell will I tell people that I have failed again. I can't deal with that.

    Having major money problems at the moment. I have been working overtime so that i can have extra money to pay things and I have been told it is time in Leiu and as I am salaried I dont get over time. I have also asked to increase my hours to an extra day a week and that is not looking hopeful. I don't know what I am going to do. My student loan has run out which covered my rent and so now I have to pay rent and pay household bills on my own. I am trying to get a new housemate but not going well at all.

    All these things are really getting to me and I can't see a way out of it all and all I think about is ending everything. Stupid thing is...I can't afford 2!!! I have some money coming in to my account which I have had to ask my mum for as my wages ran out after my housemate moved out and I was paying all the bills on my own. I have cut down on everything.

    I can only see this as the only way now!
  2. SweetSurrender

    SweetSurrender Well-Known Member

    Sounds stressful. But just so you know you can take as many years as you want to complete your degree - who cares what anyone else thinks, if that is what you are worried about, i'm sure they'd rather you alive and waiting another year than dead.
    You should try going to your uni and finding out about any services they can provide you with re: your money situation. There is a lot of help out there for students in your situation (you're not the only one i garantee!) so reach out and take all the help offered.
    If you do feel suicidal go to A and E - you've been down this path many times before....perhaps its time you took a new one and see where it ends up? Ask for help - if you feel you're in real danger ask to stay overnight in the hospital.
    take care.
  3. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I asked someone else this and didn't get an answer. Can you getting a tutor help in any way? It just bothers me that someone who takes a break, sometimes they don't go back. I guess it bothers me because I never made it through high school. I just couldn't retain things being taught to me. So I just gave up.
    Now can you kind of see where my concern comes in? I like to know that ppl are changing there habits, and are continuing to better themselves. I wasted this life so I am sure I will have to make it up. I have a learning disorder so my problems come naturally.
    Why don't you get up and if nothing else go for a nice walk and listen to nature. I know I'm bonkers, but if it helps then good for you!!:chopper:!!
  4. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Don't give up on everything you have worked so hard for. I know it seems hopeless right now, but ask around and see if there are any programs available to help you out. There has got to be other options besides what you are considering. Take the time to search them out. :hug:
  5. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    I can understand what your going through. With all these problems, surely your family could do more to help you financially. As for the acedemic side, try to appeal and see what happens. There's no shame in having to do the final year a 3rd time, i've know quite a lot of people who have done the same, it's just not common knowledge among students.
  6. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    I am going to email the guy who runs the course and explain to him that i can't drag it out another year, not when I have been offered places on 2 Masters courses.

    It is not just the course though. I was starting to get down again before I found out about this. I am thinking that the meds may have been quite useful.I have not taken any in over a month and I feel bad again, I didn't think they worked much as I couldn;t see any effects from them but maybe they did do something.

    I have an appointment in just over 2 weeks at the hospital again with the guy who is a social worker. So spose it is just a matter of holding on and not having moments of weekness. 2 weeks is such a long time though. Don't know what will happen then. It has been so long now and nothing seems to be working at all!!!!
  7. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    Still feeling bad. Still contemplating doing it - undecided whether or not it will be tonight. I have to go do some shopping - it is either gonna be enough to finish myself off with or shopping for food etc and cleaning stuff. I was researching what things from a supermarket that you could buy in one go that I could do it with.
  8. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    hey golden, please don't try again. can you let your boyfriend know how low you are feeling? or what about the suicide helpline? let them talk you through tonight. we're here, too. if you feel really bad, why not go to the ER and let them take care of you. please try and stay safe...
  9. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    You can make it 2 weeks until your appointment! :hug:
  10. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    the appointment wont do any good.
  11. supermodel

    supermodel Well-Known Member

    I dont know why but I feel the same way.
  12. max0718

    max0718 Well-Known Member

    Hi GoldenPsych,

    I'm pretty much in the same situation as you. I'm busy repeating a module that I failed last year (which would have been my final year). Everything went well up to last year when the depression got the better of me and I couldn't pass this project. Its now midyear and there are reports due in a week, and I have no idea how I'm going to pass this module. I have also been gradually sinking back into my depression, and now its worse than ever. I also don't know what I'm going to do, as my parents have told me that I MUST pass this time and I don't want to let them down. I also don't want to spend 3 years on 1 subject.. I've been trying to work on it, but I can't seem to make any progress because everytime all these feelings of stress and suicidal thoughts come back to me, and I end up procrastinating a lot.

    I also called my psychiatrist and told him about these suicidal feelings, and he said he would come back to me when he has a cancellation. I also don't know if I can wait that long, but I'm going to try. Here is my thread that I posted a few days ago :
    Please pm me if your feeling hopeless, maybe we can help each other out here. Good luck with everything!

    Stranger1, I'm sorry I didn't answer your question. The thing is my project is pretty specialized, so there aren't really tutors available. I do have a project leader, but she is only meant to point you in the right direction, and so far hasn't been much help (actually making the project more complicated).
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