Down and out?... one thing after another!!!!

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by swiftkick, Apr 13, 2013.

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  1. swiftkick

    swiftkick New Member

    Have joined here as I find it very difficult to speak to people face to face and hate the 'look' of discontent that some people give, without even knowing... So here's my story. I apologise if it's long winded..

    I feel I had a rough childhood life, moved from home to home, a few battered wife refuges with my mum and siblings, seen things as a kid that no child should see. At the age of 15 was accused and convicted of a crime that I didn't commit and it changed my life. Since the conviction I have been a self harmer, I have to wear jumpers and jeans all year round to hide the scars, and found myself in and out of prison between the ages of 17 and 21... But when I hit 22 things changed, I met a lovely girl, who I fell madly in love with and we went on to have our first child just 14 months later, then 4 years later another child. Things couldn't be better. Then in 2011 I found out that my partner had been cheating, with someone 38 years older than me. I'm quite a laid back a.d forgiving person, so I said ok, I found out, stop now and it's all forgiven, for which it was for about 3 months when again I found out that she was still seeing him, so again, like a fool I forgave her.... and 1 month later, still seeing him. So I made the hardest decision I have ever made in my live, to leave the family home, the woman I've been with for 11 years and my 2 beautiful children, October 27th 2011. Moved in with my step Dad and got on with my life. In May 2012 met someone through work, she was married, but going through problems, and I made it clear from the start that I would in no way try anything as I respected the fact that she was married. In June they split up and it was in July that we got together. All was fantastic, I couldn't ask for more, something had happened that I didn't honestly think would happen again, I fell in love, head over heals. I treated her like a princess, I 'was' in a very good job at the time and enjoyed spending my money on her, silly little things, fresh flowers all the time, random restaurant visits. It was going well, that well that she asked me to move in with her, to which I said yeah, so we planned that I would move in on August 28th(although nearly all my stuff was there anyway). On August 22nd had to stay at my dads for the night as her ex was coming round to see the kids and she said she would phone me once he had gone, I didn't hear from her and on the 23rd (my birthday) went over to hers to find out that she had slept with her ex and wanted to get back with him. Now I'm not a horrible person and see's the good in everyone, so after a lengthy talk I said ok, my Dad come and picked all my stuff up and I was back with my step dad.... Until September 1st, got my own flat, spent loads on doing it up, when she contacted me and we spent a whole night talking and she said she had mad a mistake and we got back together on september 17th, all was very good, better than before!.... So we decided a fresh start, I gave up my flat and again moved everything I owned into her place. On November 27th, I finished work and went back to hers like any other day to find the locks changed, she wouldn't answer the door or the phone even though I knew she was in as I could see her kids at the window... that was the last time I saw heard from her, she stole everything I had. 2 weeks later she adds me on Facebook, waits for me to come online then changes her relationship status to married, then changes her surname back to her ex's. My life has been down hill since then... I was struggling at work, couldn't concentrate or focus and walked out early december. In january she contacted me again just to tell me she was pregnant, but doesn't know who the father was..... In february i get a letter from dole office, Job seekers suspended for 18 months because i left my job, 2 weeks later my step dad tells me he is downsizing his property and I will need to find over accomodation, no props I say, how long have I got?... 2 days he says!!.... I'm now sleeping on a sofa at my brothers.... I know that this probably doesn't sound like much to be depressed about, but it's worse than it sounds as words cant convey properly......
     
  2. Anonymousnobody

    Anonymousnobody Well-Known Member

    First of all, problems are problems. They may not sound as big as someone else's, but that doesn't make them any less real. Second, I'm sorry this woman messed with you so much. I don't understand why someone would do that, it's terrible. I'm sorry that you're hurting, but you can get through it. Stay strong, you can do it.

    Sorry if this wasn't helpful, I don't have much experience with things like this...best of wishes :)
     
  3. CGMAngel

    CGMAngel Well-Known Member

    swift -

    I think it is very understandable why you are depressed. You have been through a lot of crap. You sound like a very loyal, kind, sensitive person, and unfortunately those qualities seem to be a magnet for betrayal sometimes.

    Do you have friends who can support you at this time? Either way, you will find some very supportive and understanding people on here. Please keep posting.

    CGM
     
  4. swiftkick

    swiftkick New Member

    Thank you very much for your replies. As I said I find it very hard to talk to people so have very little confidence in talking to anyone
     
  5. Anonymousnobody

    Anonymousnobody Well-Known Member

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