I think my depression and suicide ideations are from me being under the weather all week. I'm isolating myself and sleeping waaaay too much. I'm thinking that the only reason why I still haven't had another attempt is the rules and regulation here at my place of living. I'm living just so I will abide to rules. That's so stupid. I have no other reason to keep fighting my ideations. They are so overwhelming at times. I have a vague plan, but I know I shouldn't act on it and that I should seek help. I want help but I'm afraid. I want to do another attempt but something is holding me back. I read all the people's postings and I know I'm not alone but I still feel alone. I'm by myself in my apartment. Avoiding all outside support. Thinking that everybody around me is dealing with their lives and here I am wanting to give up and I have hardly any reason to destroy myself. I feel so stupid. I guess the only support is this forum...how sad. I have an ideation that I will attempt something and then log in to this forum and see what will happen. That's horrible. I might get banned from this site forever!!! I hope I will stay safe and stick it through because I don't usually feel like this everyday. I just don't feel comfortable sharing with anyone else in the real world except here. I'm safe to vent here. You guys are my only support. Cyberspace relationship. I'm so sad.