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Down & Out & over the hill

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Manlybug, Apr 9, 2007.

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  1. Manlybug

    Manlybug New Member

    I feel life has totaly screwed me these last 4 years. A job I enjoyed and was very good at and had been in for over 25 years was eliminated through company downsizing 4 years ago. Since then I haven't found any job I could fit in or last for retirement. I went from 1 job to another each year, and was either laid off or the "temp to hire" turned out to be temp only.

    Right after being downsized 4 years ago I was going through an adoption agency to find a girl for my wife & I to adopt. We had her for a year with the intention to keep her, but the court decided to send her back to the family that kicked her out because they believed it best to keep her with her sister, that the family just wanted anyway. We loved her and still miss her as if she had been ours. To top it off, the other family forbids us to have any contact, saying it would be too hard on her to have "2 parents"!

    I have been depressed and have trouble sleeping, taking sleeping pills is only temporary. Counceling has been a crock! They just seem to want to take their money and "see you next time sucker". Nobody seems to understand or know how to help. My wife just makes fun of me.

    I have taken additional job training, but all I am getting is rejected. It seems no one wants someone over 50, "over the hill" has been.

    It is now time to take an active measure to end this misery. I have come up with a plan that I entend to carry out soon.
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 9, 2007
  2. run4fun

    run4fun Well-Known Member

    your wife sounds callous. when my bro committed suicide, my friends were judgemental. they have no idea living in another city what our family went through. people in general are stupid. i went to a psychiatrist. i could tell he had no idea how i felt.
  3. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry to hear about your job and your loss of a child.

    Have you tried doing something totally different, jobwise? Or maybe going to see someone that could help you find a job that you suit and feel comfortable in? It's really great that you have kept fighting through all those employment set backs. the things that have happened have not been your fault and you need to keep fighting.

    Losing your child must have been so awful for you. Have you had any sort of bereavement counselling? Or gone to bereavement support groups? You are essentially grieving for a child you loved and lost and that is never easy. Grieving is really painful, and personal. Have you had anything specialised for grief?

    Are you and your wife still looking for a child? Or have your experiences disillusioned you from involving yourself in that world again?

    Have you tried any other meds apart from sleeping tablets? Anything like anti-depressants? They might benefit you greatly. It can take a while to find the right med, but if you keep trying then hopefully you would find the one that works for you.

    It's brilliant you have tried counselling. What was it about it that didn't work for you? Counselling does not work for everyone, however if it was something like you didn't like the therapist/the methods, or something, then maybe it might be worth trying again with someone else, or a different type of therapy.

    You are right when you say that no one understands, no one can ever understand, but people can relate. there will be so many people that can relate to the loss of a child, or employment issues, or the sheer desperation that you feel. Keep reaching out and talking and hopefully you will come to see this.

    It might seem like no one knows how to help, but there is help available for everyone, it is just a case of finding the right help for you. It can certainly take time, and be frustrating, but the more you try, the closer you are to finding what will help. Hang in there and keep trying.

    It sounds like your wife does not have a clue how to help. Could you maybe write her a letter or something, maybe accompanied with stuff printed out from the web, about how you feel, what it means, how people can help you, how you feel she could help you, etc. Educating her might have a good outcome. Also, maybe something like relationship counselling might also benefit you both. Obviously she has also gone through the loss of a child, so maybe she is dealing with that in her own way, and her humour might be a defense mechanism?

    What do you feel suicide will achieve? What is it about your life, that you feel, means that it can never improve?

    There is hope for everyone, some people need some help to find it, but it is there. Keep looking and you will find yours.

    Hang in there
  4. Evo_L

    Evo_L Well-Known Member

    I'm in a similar position regarding jobs, I was forced out of job I had two years ago and I unable to get anything similar due to certain reasons. I had 6 years experience in work like that and since then all I've managed to get is min-wage jobs they'd just give anyone because I don't have the experience or skills to do much else.

    The only thing different is that I'm 24 years old and I guess I still have quite a lot of time on my side :dry:

    The only thing I can suggest is trying to go back and get some kind of training in something new. Be selective in what you aim for though, there's loads of educational companies and home study companies offering allsorts these days and some of the crap they offer isn't valid at all. That aside, I'd really recommend the idea for you.

    I've had very negative experiences of councelling, often they give no advice at all, personally I think it's utter shite and if anything talking about your problems just makes it much more frustrating and painful (i know it did for me).

    I'd say invest more time in bettering yourself and trying to take yourself in a new direction or trying to develop yourself further in the role you once worked in.
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