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Down Slow

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MY life feels like it has just been slowing down. Nothing is interesting anymore. I use to love to do things, and those things never got old. But now nothing can hold my interest. I have been sitting staring at walls. like a rock
what concerns me is that cutting doesn't sound good to me anymore. Does it have nothing to offer me? I know it feels good. fuck.
I have almost made up my mind to go to the nearest store tomorrow, buy some pills and take them all. then I'll slash open my wrists and hide somewhere to die. yes I will. don't give me any of the bullshit crap like 'theres so many people that will miss you'.
I'm so tired. haven't slept in days. work tomorrow is unpleasing. killing myself is unpleasing but not dealing with this sounds great.
why would i even bother to post this here? most people do this to get attention or to whine. if i wanted to do it and not get stopped id keep my mouth shut. i don't want to get caught. this is something to do to fill my time. it keeps me occupied so i don't stare at the walls. this is bad. i hate the forums and the chat. don't look at my ip because i wont be here tomorrow. far away..you don't think id do it here?
i should be doing the piles of schoolwork for my final projects. but it just sounds so boring. try cutting and see how that goes. i cant do it on the arms though, i want to wear shirtsleeves on my final day. Almost midnight..the start of the next day.

"This is the first day of the rest of your life." That applies to every day except one. The day you die.
I understand how you feel. Maybe not exactly, but at least to some degree. I really dont want you to end your life, but why should you care what some stranger wants. I know how you feel as far as nothing being appealing. I also understand what you mean about the forums. I feel the same. I want to post how I feel, but I cant because I dont want people writing "im sorry" or "oh well". I dont want to just be written off, yet I dont want anyone to read it. I admire the fact that you are willing to write what you feel on the forum. I dont see it as whining or anything. I know it wont mean anything, but I hope that you wont end your life. Please dont. I feel similar to how you do. I dont know your specifics, but we could always talk? I dont know. I guess I dont make much sense. Please pm me if you need anything. And please live.
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