down the spiral I go

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by morning rush, Jun 2, 2011.

  1. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    I don't know what to think....I got no one to talk to in real friend just had her baby girl yesterday so I'm not going to pester her about my pathetic existence...

    I'm waiting, waiting, waiting for things to happen, like to get a job, waiting after a phone call...I reached out for help and I'm waiting for that's like life doesn't want me to make want me to suffer...

    and now my mother's sick in the hospital, convinced that my grandmother is trying to kill her and other shit like that (she's schizophrenic) she says mean things to me, and doesn't care that I don't feel good, I can barely take care of myself, fuck now she wants me to take care of her...but it's always been this powerplay...that she knows more than me, and better than me...she'll make me feel it that I think I'm better but I'm not..

    I feel like such an evil person to not want to help her...but everytime I try she's just selfish and doesn't care about long as she gets what she wants, she doesn't care that I"m there visiting her...

    right now I'm sick, got somekind of bronchitis, and she knows this, yet she still calls me to go and bring her smokes...always smokes...2 cartoons in one week...

    I'm so tired...and god knows I try, I try to talk to people, make conversations, but its like I'm too tired for that as well...I don't know anymore...I just want to lay down and never wake up, is that so hard? and to be honest, I thought that since my mother is alive I couldn't live without her, well since she's been sick that has been a real eye opener for me..I realize I can live without her and I have no guilt now if I choose to commit suicide...
  2. ZombiePringle

    ZombiePringle Forum Buddy and Antiquities Friend

    All you need to do is just tell her that you are going to take a break and that you need to rest. She might not like it but you do need to worry about yourself sometimes too.
  3. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    I hope letting it out made you feel better, Pm anytime you want to chat or vent, I can be an ear for you.

    Hugs, hope today is treating you better.