Down this road again...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Tired32, Apr 28, 2011.

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  1. Tired32

    Tired32 Active Member

    I have been here before and wish I had not stayed away so long...things have been hard again and I have been trying to get help but these feelings of being trapped, hopeless, alone, and agonizingly sad just won't go away...I have really been feeling like I want to die or disappear for a while but now that has turned into wanting to take my own life again...I am so tired of going through is no good as they have no care or understanding...I give and I try but it just seems like it is no use...
  2. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    What if you just went with the flow of life, what if you didnt try so hard to make everyone around you happy but yourself? Can you do that, work on what you need and not others for a while? I hope so, I hope that you give yourself the break that you need not only physcially but mentally to. We depressed people sometimes just have to over look the unhappiness and just go for the ride, but doesnt mean we cant get off and smell the roses every now and then.

    My PM box is always open if you ever want to talk.

    Hope tomorrow is a better day.
  3. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Have you tried calling one of the suicide hot lines??Are you in therapy?? If you are in a bad way then you should go to the ER or the A&E... You really need someone to talk to who understands what you are going through..You always have us for moral support..
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    well im glad you are here okay you know now you are not alone in the fight. Keep posting okay it helps alot I too think you need to spend more time doing things for you hugs
  5. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    Sorry to hear your feeling this way, and maybe its best to stick around here as its like having your own therapy session, sometimes at least.

    Your feelings of being "trapped, hopeless, alone, and agonizingly sad" generally just won't go away though! Sometimes it does - but if you have depression then what you describe is part of the territory. I guess you could even adjust and 'get used' to feeling this way for a while - but its pointless as it only makes your life less of a life. Being so down that you feel like dying is the worse - I mean at that point we're all kinda lost for an answer.

    You say you "really been feeling like I want to die or disappear for a while but now that has turned into wanting to take my own life again." - yup - to me it sounds exactly the same as what many will go through. The passing little dark thought at first - gradually increasing until your waking up, feeling like dying, and going to sleep, feeling like dying or even praying to God to take you in the night, or afternoon!

    Depression is a real KILLJOY - and nothing in life is worse than having your joy killed off - having the capability to feel cheerful and happy curtailed of dead-ended by this miserable condition.

    The 'good news' is that you just have depression. I mean if this was how you actually were it would be bad - but its not you anymore than the real you is a man screaming with a broken leg or arm. In pain we do not feel good in ourselves - when depressed, its even worse as the illness itself or condition seems to sap you of any joy. Double the trouble in the all new value edition.

    No other condition does that.

    If anything is close to depression, it would be the immediate aftermath of losing a lover or a bereavement. For anyone here not suffering and maybe reading up on the behalf of loved ones, I guess the horrible first 24 hrs after you realise its over, is akin to the substance depression seems to have. Even that does not explain the pain of suffering something without a reason. You lose a lover or loved one - you can at least find some comfort in time.

    But if a person loses their mind, that cannot be replaced.

    At its worse depression left to run its own course can be VERY destructive. When a person thinks about killing themselves, I always take it seriously, because people at that stage are in a dark place. Suicide happens, and we are best to be honest to each other here. For those just browsing, not saying anything (I done that at first - to make sure it was not a pro suicide forum) just saying something, the small effort of joining up, can be a life saver. Even if life seems nothing now - at least you are in a position whereby you will appreciate all those good things that can happen when you DO feel better in yourself.

    As for your family, I wish people would get on better. I know its not always possible but it usually is. When young you might not get along so good with your older family but I get on with younger relatives and keep an eye on their health and well-being. I was always worried when they were at school, one was more academic and bullied for a while but it stopped and now the bullies who were feared are just sad figures. I got other younger relatives to worry about now but they seem to cope in school.

    Try to at least get on with your family - try to tell someone your feeling down - but if they really are bad and don't care, my heart goes out to you. You just need to keep your own integrity and maybe one day, when you have children, you'll be a great father.

    Sometimes we grow a bit distant from loved ones in family when young - I did myself, but I love them all now.

    Some of my friends had bad families. The worse went through a hell as a child and only really opens to me and a few others. I mean real violent abuse, a child getting bones broken. Nobody got charged either but the parents are dead now. He ended up getting married, having kids, and he raised them well and always provided. He has insecurity now and again but is doing well.

    I know your feeling tired of all this - because its like a circle with same thoughts coming back around. Depression can do this and leave you convinced that its only right for you to suffer in this way. My advice is to get some help for it - I mean your here which is good, but I'm thinking that the journey to recovery will take one foot in front of the other, and a walk to the doctors!

    You can phone many UK doctors early morning and maybe get an appointment on the Friday. You could make an appointment for Monday Morning, and decide here what you ought to tell him.

    I'm interested in what you'd like to happen in your life IF you felt well in yourself. With depression it seems nothing can make us happy again but rest assured many things can and very likely will make you feel happy at some point.

    Could be music, could be reading or even writing. Many great poets were churning out volumes before their mid twenties! That said, for the older people here, you might write that first novel aged 50 and be winning!

    Many a man has fought depression and found a light in his life in the form of a good woman. Plenty of time for that my man - when you get well. That's if you want a woman - not that I'm pimping here - God forbid, more like an Uncle looking out for you. That kind of friendship combined with romance might be a real tonic. But we got other bridges to cross first.

    There are many things worth living for in this world - even things worth dying for. Depression is not a reason to die IF you realise you have it. There is help out there, and here and in places you may never suspect and with people who you might assume do not care. At the height of depression, someone who upon falling into a deep lake and starting to drown, would spot a passer by, shrug and say "they would never help, they don't care".

    Truth be told, many people would immediately risk their lives to save a stranger. I bet you would also.

    We never know what might happen this year mate - I'm hoping me and you both will enjoy this summer and do a few things, meet a few people. Maybe we need to go down a few new roads and if you get some help now you've got a few weeks of battening the hatches waiting for changes and hopefully will be able to get out and about more, perhaps study a little with your spare time, get a girl, learn saxophone, save the world, lift a few weights, dye your hair blonde - or put a stripe down the side of your hair to be 'cool' like we done when we were all younger.

    I'm jesting a little, but maybe a few new things are in order. Take it step by step as your trying to overcome the demons of depression, not fight off a bit of hay fever!

    Put me on your friend list so I can keep up with your progress - and you with me.

    I was very intelligent when young, and now I'm stupid - which proves you CAN change your life around. Just that I want it the other way around - but onwards and upwards. (jesting)

    Good luck Tired32, may your God be with you or some light in your life.

    You may be tired but you will be free too of this depression if you focus your energy on that and get the help you deserve. Nobody takes out burst appendixes at home, and likewise treating depression at home, is usually not a good idea.

    PS Even if you love family it might not be a great help even if they know about depression. It is best to get it out IF they are up to coping with it. But it can make it worse for some as few understand it and even decent people might struggle to counsel you so to speak.

    Again, my good wishes to you and all suffering from this.

    Be a friend to yourself, get some help, things CAN change.
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