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Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by CherryBlossom, Apr 25, 2008.

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  1. CherryBlossom

    CherryBlossom Member

    I just got off of one of my "life is good and perfect and so am I" couple of weeks where all I did was laugh, party, whiten my teeth and tan so that I could become even more beautiful (my thought process screws up during this phase to where I think I'm actually attractive).

    Now I'm depressed again...got off my healthy diet and binged on over 6,000 calories worth of food. Drove the class high on Vicodin with a razor blade in hand, arm bleeding. Music pounding and sun shining which only increased the severity of my migraine.

    I watched Jenna Jameson's E True Hollywood Story which amazed me because her life and struggles parallel mine almost identically. The one thing she said that got to me the most was "I was mad at the world for not realizing all the pain I had inside." Perfect. She put it into words the way I never could...

    I'm not drama queen and I've always kept things to myself, obviously, or I wouldn't be pouring them all out here at an anonymous internet forum.

    But I am pissed no one give's a damn about me...that no one has shown appreciation for all the pain I've gone through and am going through. Is it so much to want someone to hug me and tell me everythings okay? Or that it's okay if I'm failing college, because the fact that I graduated high school alone was amazing?

    I'm mad no one knows or cares how much I hurt.

    I'm mad my mom died and I'm mad my father's dying...when he dies, I die.
  2. pit

    pit Well-Known Member

    I feel for you.:hug:
  3. pit

    pit Well-Known Member

    My family is dead. I have a coupe good friends. That's about it. And I have no idea whether I have a professional future or not. So I'm stuck in limbo. It won't take a lot to shake me off the branch I'm perched on.
  4. Casey.

    Casey. Well-Known Member

    I feel for you hun...
    Have you been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder? Just the way you described your feelings in the first bit made me think that. :hug: I am here for you if you need me
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