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SF Friend & Antiquitie's Friend
Staff Alumni
dont know why but i have been feeling allot more down lately.i havent admitted it to anyone tho.just feel like im never good enough especially for myself.i really have no reason right now to feel down and yet i do.woke up crying.i havent done that in awhile.even when i took my meds this morning had a pill craving i havent had that for a very long time.just a little scary.

just have these things eating at me all the time.things like my whole family is very succesful except for me im the only one without a the pnly one without a good job and im also the only one who doesnt have a life.its like if i disapeared no one would know i was gone.except for friends here.have top battle my depression to even let myself remember that i have friends.its just frustrating.


SF Friend & Antiquitie's Friend
Staff Alumni
thanks mal youre such sweetie :hug:

but still gonna have to argue with you about this.


i'm just a nothing failure,lazy bum,wont amount to anything cant do anything right sorry P*** of S****.sowwie just need to keep reminding myself of this cus i dont deserve to feel good.


Staff Alumni
You do deserve to feel good sarah :hug:

You are such a great person, no matter what you think, and you're never going to convince otherwise.

Sorry i don't have any wise words of wisdom to give to you at the moment.
Just know that you are loved.
Lizzy. xxx


SF Friend & Antiquitie's Friend
Staff Alumni
thanks just wish i felt that way about all goes up and down so much its confusing.just feel like im a loser and everyone knows it.even if all the evidence says otherwise i cant stop thinking it at times.:hug: everyone


SF Friend & Antiquitie's Friend
Staff Alumni
Wow, Sarah.. (((((((((((((((((((((((((Manay Many HUGS********

took the words right out of my mouth.. and besides all that is going wrong with my life right now. I completely understand how that feels sweetie.. It eats away at me constantly too.. all the time. I try not to let it get to me.. but it really does..

another thing bringing me down in my life.. and weighing me down in my life.. feeling like amounting to nothing. I feel like a loser. My whole family are very successful too.. Writers, artists, authors, even my mom writes.. poetry and stories and the whole family, lawyers, and so much more I can write here but too depressing.. and don't want to depress you further either.. mulitiple degrees.. a life.. I had hopes and dreams.. I tried.. never got that gift.. or developed it..what I got was vestibular disease.. and severe depression..
Always compared to the family, all my life.. I was raised a little differently than my siblings... since I was the oldest.. and it is hard for me because use to having a different kind of life when younger.. but at least I never looked down on anybody that I was better than them. and I was suppose to go to college ,etc.. I am no better than anybody and I would rather not be just because of everybody has a degree and highly educated in family.. I am not explaining this very well just ramblling on..

Are you not working now? I am sorry if I lost touch for a bit but last I heard you had moved into something else that you didn't like very much because of needing more overtime and maybe taking you away more from here.. your lifeline? I am not working either and always wanted to keep working.. had to go on SSDI.. another BIG blemish on both sides of the whole family.. looked down on and it is hereditary somewhere... and now have fibromyalgia too..

Going through alot the other day with a situation that is bogus and was explaining the latest to my mom about it.. like she gives a damn.. then she says something like, and I never asked her for any money to help me since I am still behind in house payment..or even hinted that wanted
anything.. just about the lawsuiit situation and what I found out.. Then she says, it really bothers you that I have money in the bank, and you don't!!
Hung up on her and told her goodbye.. can't deal with that.. this case is way out of hand.. right now my other sister told me that she has her car in to get it detailed and a loaner 2006 car.. doesn't matter.. material things aren't important.. just when life hits one hard, and not by one's doing.. needing some support from family or friends if one has any.. in life would be nice.. but never any support from her or family.... except to let me always know what a loser I was and how could I do this to the family.. oh, and I have hispanic and some native american bloodline..oh, and a Romanian gypsy married into family many many years ago.. and loved my uncle greatly from what I heard and died when a young age and then he couldn't live without her.. omg.. never mention that either.. another blemish on the family name..

Well, you know, sweetie.. you are NOT a LOSER.. I would rather be who I am than to sell myself out because of what they think.. You are tremendously very caring, you have a real gift here in reaching out to people and caring deeply about them..and talking to ppl.. I can remember some of my friends when I took the time out years ago to talk to ppl I came across who needed a friend or someone we knew then.. and took time out to listen to them.. then my friends would say, how can you do that or talk to that person, etc..that is who I am.. and that won't change.. and I could go on..

Sorry, this was suppose to go up by my mom's convo regarding money.. got sidetracked.. where did that come from?? I never ask, yet she will help my brother out who has an excellent job and his wife and a sister.. my mom never had to work.. no, that is not where I was going through that.. I decided a long time ago that I would never ask for anything from her or the family.. I made it this far but unfortunately no matter what I try to do.. kind of sinking..

I know how you feel about not feeling you don't have a life either.. I would notice if you disappeared hon.. I really would.. you mean alot to me and I have felt that many times too.. I almost did today and not thinkning straight and drove around after a bad T appt.. and just can't go back there.. she doesn't care.. hard to explain.. but came home.. later.. sorry, hon.. very sorry..

YOU ARE NOT A LOSER!! Whether you believe it or not.. I know how you feel.. I wish I could help take away your pain too.. listen to me..(lol)) not laughing at you but my previous post.. I hate really hate waking up every morning and feeling depressed too..

I know it is very frustrating and dealing with so much too.. I love you and care about you.. Not a lot of ppl have a gift like you do in helping others and think of how many ppl you have helped and had an impact on their life.. I know sweetie.. I know.. am in the same boat and now trying to get through this difficult time that is hard.. wish we lived closer but I am here for you too..

I know it is easy to say not to get down and I know it easy to say don't do anything to yourself either.. you have tremendous support here sweetie.. many ppl and myself really love you and care about you.. keep talking about it.. I hope you find something soon.. you have a gift here and don't say you don't at all!!! Please keep trying to hang in there hon... I will talk to you soon.. okay? just shocked to see how much we have in common and to read your post.. so true I know.. and my understanding and feelings run very deep.. I love you...

Love, always,



SF Friend & Antiquitie's Friend
Staff Alumni
You won't ever win the argument.. that is for sure! YOU can argue all you want until you are blue in the face.. YOU still won't win!

You are not a lazy bum. You are not a p**** of S*** either.. and I will keep reminding you along with others that you are not either until we get it through that thick skull of yours that you are not.. You do deserve to feel good and you will find your calling in your life as you get through this..

You are good at counseling with ppl .. can you go into something like that or what are your other thoughts? what is/was your dream and I know, you may say you don't have any.. just like me.. I use to.. and hope.. but do you have anything you dream and wish you could make it happen? Maybe, and what if there is a way that it could happen? You are young still sweetie.. and I know very overwhelmed.. forget the family right now and the degrees.. are your meds working right? do you think? or is the depression circumstantial because of your job and family right now? I can't compare what I am going through with what you are going through I know.. except the family issues..

You won't win this argument ever at least with me.. I am ruthless. and am known to be quite stubborn..

Love you always, my friend,



Sarah :hug: You know how highly I think of you both as a person and as a friend. I'm sorry you feel low - it can sometimes creep up on people without nus even noticing until we feel really low.... As for successful - it depends how you define the word 'success'. Maybe you have been brought up from a background where certificates, degrees and diplomas = success? I see a person as being far more successful than the most academically qualified person in the world if they are a 'real' person. A person who cares, a person who shines. A person who makes a difference. A PERSON LIKE YOU. You as a person are worth far more than any qualification. You are you - and the world would be a lesser place without you.

Lots of love

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