downward spiral

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by wheresmysheep, Apr 6, 2009.

  1. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    its all pointless, moving out, getting help, starting meds..
    whats the point to it all?
    i wont be able to sustain myself, cause i'm not bringing in enough money. i wont be able to live with other people, cause i'll have to lie to them to get them to take me in as a room mate as they wont take in an unemployed person.
    getting help well tahst just fucked from the get go. what the hells it gonna do for me if i'm schizophrenic ffs. constantly on drugs? constatnly dealing with people looking at me asking me if i'm ok and they're worrying about me. yeah its nice to have people there for you, but not when they're making you feel bad about you feeling bad or not mentally able.
    its all a fucking loop, and no matter how much i try to brake it, it will always be a loop. so what the fuck is a sheep to do?

    to those about to write, you'll move out and it'll be ok, no it wont. i'll be broke, having to lie constantly, having to put a face on with whomever i'm living with and pretending its all good.
    thats practically what i'm doing now.
    no stephen cant move out. just take my word on that.

    i have no one to move with. no moeny to move with and its all fucked.

    whats the point.
     
  2. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    see and people tell me i should talk more, let it out it helps..
    how does it help to let it out and get no responces cause there is no responce to any of this.
    i a so burried in all this shit theres no way out.
    but can i just go and jump? no i fucking cant,maybe the silent treatment here is the last sign that its truely my time.
    thats my hang up, if its the right time for me or not. and in saying that you could say its not cause i'm still asking. but i want to go. i do, but its just the butterfly effect i'm worried about. i dont want there to be one from my death, but ultimately no matter how i go about it there will be on some level.
    i just want the blank serenity of it all. fine i'll be dead so unaware of it, but still. the lack of thought the lack of stimuli
     
  3. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    Hey, sorry to hear you're in such a bad place. :sad:

    I'm not so great with words of comfort, but know that I am here if you need to talk, and that I am thinking of you.
     
  4. Spearmint

    Spearmint Well-Known Member

    Sheeeeeeeep. :sad: I dunno, I'm not good with words of support, really. :unsure: But I'll definitely listen to you if you wanna rant on MSN or whatever. :arms: (e-hugs :wink:)
     
  5. Victori@

    Victori@ Well-Known Member

    hey sweet's! you know Im here! i think I am gonna run out and get a mic so I can talk to you! you have my phone number email, msn, facebook, myspace! talk to me em! I love you!

    xoxox