So quick introduction. I am 28 and been fighting this since I was 12. Since this past April, however, the fight has gotten much harder than I have ever experienced before. In April, I lost a job I had held for almost 4 years. In the months after things have just kept going from bad to worse. First my girlfriend of 9 months left me, then I lost the house I was renting due to financial difficulty. Next my former girlfriend agreed to try when I got another job, but that was very short lived and I lost her again. Then I lost the new job. Next up who I thought was my best friend turned on me. And finally I was just yesterday temporarily laid off from yet another job. I have been bouncing around friends' houses for places to stay, because going "home" to my grandma's house will kill me. So I am more or less living out of my car, seeing that's all I can afford on unemployment is my car, phone, and storage unit. I don't expect pity or sympathy, I just needed a place to think out loud. I can't talk to any of my friends about it cause their answer is hospitalization, and the costs of that will only make things worse. I am just so deep into this hole with no sign of light that I don't know what to do anymore. I even spent the other day researching the scientific probability of success of different methods. I am kinda a contradiction, in the sense pain and failure is why I want to die, yet fear of pain and failure is why I am still here. I was on medication, namely Abilify for bi-polar (diagnosed as having borderline personality disorder) but due to finances had to cease my therapy visits. I am completely lost as to what to do next.